


You've Got My Heart, I've Got Your Hand

by FervidAsAFlame



Series: Heart and Hand 'Verse [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Possessive Arthur, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21935182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FervidAsAFlame/pseuds/FervidAsAFlame
Summary: When Merlin breaks up with yet another horrible boyfriend, all Arthur wants is to punch the stupid git in the face. Well, maybe that’s notallhe wants … but how can he make Merlin see him more as just a best friend and flatmate? Is platonic cuddling anything? And can he make Merlin understand how he feels before he goes away for week-long business trip? Or at least before Christmas?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Heart and Hand 'Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684219
Comments: 130
Kudos: 732





	You've Got My Heart, I've Got Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> I’m brand new to the Merlin fandom as of about five months ago and I’m so excited to be posting for the first time in this fandom! I’ve devoured millions of words of Merthur fic for the last five months so I’m happy to be contributing something back :)
> 
> Thank you so much to my bestest Julia Joy for introducing me to Merlin, for all the cheerleading and encouragement over the last two months, and for being on call for betaing during your Christmas break. I love you!
> 
> Title from the song [Moscow](https://youtu.be/dzk3cwNgbJw) by Autoheart

It was clear that Merlin had intended to keep the whole thing a secret from Arthur, but the truth was – Merlin was horrible at secrets. He had stormed into their flat with his hair disheveled as if he’d been pulling at it, cheeks flushed with emotion, and blue eyes snapping in fury and Arthur knew instantly that something horrible had happened — and who was probably to blame.

“Alright?” Arthur asked lightly, watching from the kitchen as Merlin slammed the door and shrugged off his messenger bag angrily.

“Alright, yeah,” Merlin said, not meeting his eyes. As he toed off his trainers, he fished his phone out of his pocket and swiped what looked like a dozen notifications off his screen before thumbing into his contacts and hovering over Gwen’s face.

Merlin glanced at Arthur quickly out of the corner of his eye then turned down the hall to his bedroom.

“Still on for tonight? Indian and Bake Off?” Arthur called after him, hoping he didn’t sound too desperate. Merlin had been so into his stupid boyfriend for the last nine months that Arthur felt like he had barely seen him, despite the fact that they lived together. Inwardly, Arthur swore that if Mordred had fucked up again and it made Merlin too mopey for the relaxing night in they had scheduled _weeks_ ago, he was going to personally break every bone in the little chav’s body.

“Oh,” it was clear from Merlin’s face that he hadn’t remembered. Arthur tried not to clench his fists. The anger seemed to sap out of Merlin for a moment and he gave Arthur a tired smile. “Yes, of course. Uh - can you just order my usual while I make a quick call?”

“Sure thing. Extra spice, right?”

Merlin made a face and a rude gesture before closing the door firmly behind him. Arthur smiled to himself and called in their order.

Ten minutes later, Merlin still wasn’t off the phone. Arthur had ducked into his own room to grab a coat when he heard Merlin’s voice raised enough that he could make out his words.

“No. I’m done. I’m done with both of them.”

Arthur hesitated for the barest moment and then gave in and dashed over to his closet. He pushed at the row of suits until there was enough space that he could slip in and press his ear against the shared wall to Merlin’s room.

“Well I _don’t_ think either of them deserves another chance, and honestly Gwen – I don’t know what’s gotten into you that you would even suggest it! You’re supposed to be _my_ friend. But I guess Will was too, huh?” he laughed bitterly and then was silent for a long moment.

Arthur furrowed his brow. Will? Merlin had dated Will through most of uni, but they had a spectacular break-up when Merlin had chosen to move in with Arthur instead of him after school. Arthur, who didn't think Will was anywhere near good enough for Merlin, was still smug about that one. Unfortunately for him, Merlin and Will had remained friends in the end.

“No,” Merlin said again, his voice lowering suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not talking to him about this and neither are you. You know how he gets.”

Arthur desperately wished he knew what the hell was going on, but felt suddenly guilty for eavesdropping on his best friend. The irony that he was standing fully in the closet while doing so wasn’t lost on him either. So he forced himself to grab his coat and wallet, walk quietly out of his room, and pound down the stairs to the street. 

It was a short walk to the restaurant, and he tried to put together what he knew to keep his mind off the December chill. Merlin was clearly angry with two people, one of whom was Will and the other could only guess was Mordred? I was also clear that he didn’t want Arthur to know about it. Had Mordred gotten off with Will? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that the piece of shit had tried something like that, though he had managed to win Merlin back every time. But with Will? That was stupid even for Mordred – and if he was being honest, almost too good to be true for Arthur. If this somehow resulted in getting both of them out of Merlin’s life altogether, it would be the best thing that could possibly happen. But then …

Arthur remembered Merlin’s face when he had burst through the door, and the weary way he had forced a smile for Arthur, how his shoulders had slumped in defeat.

Arthur was going to punch them both. Which probably explained why Merlin hadn’t wanted to discuss it with him. Arthur had a history of being overly-protective when it came to Merlin’s boyfriends, and he knew more than one of them had been scared off by him. 

Arthur sighed as he pushed his way into the cozy restaurant and paid for their order. Back out on the pavement, he made his way slowly back to the flat and gave himself a pep talk the likes of which were usually reserved for his team. As the youngest department head at Camelot Inc, he had no problem assessing a situation and making sound management decisions – except when it came to himself. _This is your chance, Pendragon_ , he scolded himself. _Now think -- have a strategy, for Christ’s sake! He’s clearly expecting you to march back in there and behave like a prat and push yourself into the situation where he doesn’t want you to be. Is that going to get you what you want? No. So we need a different plan._

What did Arthur want? That was easy – he wanted Merlin. And he had -- subconsciously, at least -- since they met at university. He remembered clearly how warm Merlin’s hand had felt in his as he introduced himself their first day as roommates. Cheerful, friendly, and openly gay – Merlin seemed to be everything that Arthur wasn’t. 

Merlin must have felt something of their chemistry back then too, because the first time he got drunk at a party, he had come back to their room and clumsily tried to kiss him. Arthur -- terrified and deeply closeted -- had managed to gracefully decline the advance and by some miracle they had gone on to become the best of friends, and remained so a decade later. Although they had never talked about the interaction again, it didn’t escape Arthur’s notice that Merlin was overly tactile and demonstrative with his friends – hugging and kissing on the cheek in greeting, touching their arms while talking, flopping next to each other in his bed – but always kept Arthur at an arm’s length in comparison. Arthur was both thankful and resentful of this, especially because in the last year he'd had the crashing revelation that no matter how many gorgeous women he went on dates with, he was decidedly interested in dating men as well. And Merlin specifically. 

He wondered idly if Merlin had even noticed that his dating had dwindled down to practically nothing, and that he’d been essentially celibate for damn close to a year.

 _Probably not, since he’s had Mordred to distract him_ , Arthur thought furiously. Of _course_ just as Arthur had finally just about gathered up the bollocks to tell Merlin how he really felt, Mordred had appeared on the scene and ruined everything, the little shite.

Merlin had almost comically terrible luck with men but in Arthur's opinion, Mordred was the worst of the lot. For some infuriating reason, Merlin seemed stubbornly determined to stay with him. 

Well, hopefully that was over now.

Arthur paused outside the entrance to their building and paced on the pavement for a moment, trying to think. What he wanted to _do_ was to go upstairs and roar and demand to know it all and then go and pound everyone who had ever hurt Merlin to a pulp. But all that would do was aggravate Merlin and make Arthur look like a colossal prat. So what did he want to _happen_? 

He wanted … to be closer to Merlin --physically and emotionally. For Merlin to trust him. For Merlin to let him in. For Merlin to want to stay with him. To live up to his title of best friend by being a better friend to Merlin than anyone else.

He took several deep breaths and squared his shoulders. Okay. He was in control of himself. He could do this. But first …

Arthur smiled. He pulled out his phone and turned around, jogging up the block, careful not to jostle the takeaway too much.

"Sophia? Arthur Pendragon. I’m afraid I have a favor to ask. Do you remember when you said you kept some extra inventory in the freezer for emergencies? Well, I'm having a bit of an emergency."

~ ❅ ~

Ten minutes later, Arthur keyed into the flat and slipped into the kitchen where he carefully set down a white paper bag where he was sure Merlin wouldn't see it if he happened to look over. The telly was already blaring Great British Bake Off and when Arthur brought the food in he saw Merlin was sprawled out across the sofa, anger in every line of his body. It seemed he had taken a shower while Arthur was out, probably trying to hide the fact that he had clearly been crying. He was wearing a worn red hoodie and black tracks, his damp hair curling around his ears and his long, bare feet tucked under each other. Arthur swallowed involuntarily.

He pushed Merlin's dish of Chana Masala toward him and spread out the naan and samosas between them. Merlin murmured a thank you and glanced at Arthur as if challenging him to say something about the situation, but Arthur just shrugged out of his coat.

“Getting bloody cold out there,” he said lightly, to which Merlin grunted and reached for his food. As he stretched for some naan, Arthur caught a quick flash of bruising around his wrist and the whole plan almost went to hell right there.

 _Fucking_ Mordred.

Instead he let it firm his resolve, and reminded himself of what he wanted and how to get there. With that in mind, Arthur -- instead of moving to the armchair, as he normally would when Merlin was sprawled like this -- casually scooped up Merlin's feet, sat down with his Tikka masala, and resettled them into his lap without a word. Merlin's head snapped up from where he had started in on his food and his look of surprise already made the plan worth it to Arthur. He was sure for a moment that Merlin would snatch his feet away and curl into a ball, but when Arthur settled back against the sofa and started tucking in to his food without a word, Merlin slowly shifted to grab his own dish and flexed his feet in Arthur's lap.

"That sponge is going to be dry," Arthur commented, shoving a samosa in his mouth.

Merlin hummed his agreement and their attention turned to the show and their food. As they finished the meal and traded comments about what was happening on the screen, Arthur could see the tension start to drain out of Merlin -- he even managed a laugh once. By the time he pushed his container away he seemed much more relaxed. He stretched languidly, extending his feet beyond Arthur's lap. Arthur was so distracted by the strip of bare skin exposed at Merlin’s waist that he almost missed his cue.

"God, that was good. Kind of wish we had gotten some dessert though."

"Was hoping you would say that," Arthur grinned and shuffled out from under Merlin's legs. "Stay here," he said firmly. Merlin, sweet tooth activated, craned his neck over the side of the sofa into the kitchen but Arthur was too quick for him so he flopped back down.

After a brief reheat, Arthur came around the side of the sofa and presented the plate to Merlin.

"Is that--" Merlin shot up into a sitting position and grabbed the plate, which contained an enormous cinnamon roll. "From Fifth Tier? But they only make them on Mondays! It’s Thursday!"

"I called in a favor," Arthur smirked, and Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Have you actually shagged every baker in London?"

"Only the fit ones."

Merlin let out a snort but it didn’t stop him from taking a huge bite of the cinnamon roll. He made a positively pornographic noise and his eyes rolled back into his head. Arthur tried not to stare as he sat back down on his side of the sofa. Almost reflexively, Merlin stretched his feet back into Arthur’s lap and something in Arthur's brain roared victory. 

They turned their attention back to the screen, but after a moment, Merlin nudged Arthur's stomach with his toes. Arthur glanced at him, only to see a heart-achingly soft smile playing on his face.

"Thanks," he said sincerely. "I needed that. You’re a good mate."

"Of course," Arthur said, dropping his hand to Merlin's ankle and giving a gentle squeeze. "Though, not a good enough mate to be offered a bite, I see."

Merlin shoved the rest of the roll into his mouth and started cackling. It was disgusting, and Arthur mock glared, but inside his heart burst with pride to know that he's put that light back in Merlin's eyes.

He kept his hand on Merlin's foot for the rest of the evening, rubbing back and forth gently over his instep and brushing his thumb through the coarse hairs at his ankle. If Merlin had any thoughts about that, his face didn’t betray them.

Merlin dozed eventually, which was only to be expected after the emotional day and a carb overload, so Arthur turned off the television and managed to slip out from under his legs without waking him. He pottered around quietly, clearing up the takeaway, checking the locks, turning out lights. He fetched a knitted afghan from Merlin's room to drape over him, then allowed himself to stand in the sitting room for a moment, just looking. 

Merlin's face was slack and the streetlights seeping in through the window highlighted his cheekbones, making them look sharper than they actually were. Arthur longed to touch him again, to be close. With a barely audible sigh, he turned down the hall toward his room and readied for sleep.

He left his door open, just in case.

~ ❅ ~

The next morning, Arthur woke to find that Merlin had already left the flat. It looked like he had gone for a run before work, which wasn’t unusual. He just hoped that the run had more to do with working off his bad mood and less to do with avoiding him. 

The day dragged until right before he had planned on heading home, at which point the predictable flood of Friday afternoon “emergencies” began rolling in. Arthur still hadn’t heard anything from Merlin so the flurry of activity was a welcome distraction from his brain telling him that he should have just kicked Mordred’s arse and had it done with. 

Their group of friends – a hodge-podge of friends from university, work, and their various significant others --had a standing Friday evening gathering at their local pub, but when Arthur finally finished up the last of his crises and had packed up some work for the weekend he had made up his mind to skip this week. He didn’t feel like drinking or being around people and was secretly hoping that Merlin had begged off as well so they could spend a quiet night at home.

So it was with disappointment that he keyed into their flat to find it dark and empty. After calling to order a pizza from Merlin’s preferred restaurant -- on the hope that he might still call it an early night and show up hungry – Arthur changed out of his suit and settled down on the sofa with his laptop and a stack of risk analysis reports. He worked steadily, checking his mobile every now and then, until it was nearly ten. With a sigh he stood up and stretched, glancing at his mobile for the millionth time. He hadn’t heard anything, other than a vague text from Gwen earlier asking if he planned on stopping by. 

He was just deciding that maybe he’d call it an early night and have a long, luxurious wank before bed when his mobile vibrated on the end table. 

_You home?_

It was from Lance, Gwen’s fiance. Arthur frowned and swiped out a reply.

_Yeah. Headed to bed -- everything ok?_

The reply came almost immediately.

_Just poured Merlin into a cab. He insisted he could make it home himself, but I’d feel better if there was someone to meet him._

_I can meet him. Let you know when he’s home_ Arthur replied, already slipping on his coat and grabbing his keys. 

_Ty, mate. He’s in a foul mood, so good luck._

Arthur sighed and pocketed the mobile. Wonderful. 

He jogged down the block a little and positioned himself so that he could watch for the cab and then act as if he just happened to get home at the same time as Merlin. He knew from experience that appearing as though he was waiting up for him would do nothing to improve Merlin's mood. 

Just when Arthur was ready to call Lance to confirm that he had given the right address, Arthur spotted a black cab gliding to a stop in front of their building and hustled over to where Merlin was fumbling with his wallet. 

"Merlin!" Arthur greeted him, trying not to sound out of breath. "Are you just getting home too? Brilliant. I've been out for a walk and forgot my keys. Need a hand there?" 

"Arthur?" Merlin looked several steps behind the conversation and was eyeing him suspiciously, so Arthur pulled him gently out of the cab and leaned in to make sure things were settled with the driver. 

"Thanks mate, I was about to freeze my bollocks off," Arthur flung an arm over Merlin's shoulders and steered him toward the building. "You do have your keys, right?"

" 'Course I have my bloody keys, you prat," Merlin grumbled as Arthur crowded him into the lift. 

Arthur ignored the tone and beamed at him. Merlin scowled back and staggered out of the lift toward their door. Arthur hovered behind him, rolling his eyes as Merlin fumbled endlessly with the keys. Finally, the flat door popped open and they spilled in.

"That Nicki's?" Merlin asked immediately, scenting the air like a hound. 

"It is," Arthur said, pleased with himself, "Why don't you go change out of your work clothes before you have some? Unless you're headed to bed?"

Merlin frowned down at himself, as if just noticing that he was still wearing a tie. 

"Right. Okay. Yeah," he wandered down the hall. As soon as the door to his room clicked shut, Arthur sprang into action to heat up some of the pizza, fill their largest glass with water, and fetch two paracetamol from the cabinet. He brought everything to the sofa and turned the telly on low volume, then fired off a text to Lance to let him know Merlin had arrived home safely. 

He had just settled back against the arm rest when Merlin stormed from his room, swiping furiously on his mobile and then pointedly powering it down and tossing it across the room. Merlin flopped onto the sofa – much nearer than he normally would, Arthur noted with satisfaction – and rubbed his palms into his eyes with a long, put-upon sigh.

“Everything alright? Here, take these,” Arthur pushed the paracetamol and the water into Merlin’s hands before he had a chance to protest. “What happened?”

Merlin absentmindedly took the pills and downed the water. Arthur traded him the glass for a plate piled with pizza and made for the tap to refill the glass.

“Shouldn’t even tell you,” Merlin mumbled around a full mouth when Arthur returned. “You’ll go mental.”

“Well, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t …“ Arthur started, but Merlin chewed faster, swallowing a bite and waving his hand.

“Mordred,” Merlin said darkly. “And Will.”

Arthur’s temper flared to hear his suspicions confirmed. He struggled in silence for several moments to control himself.

“What about Mordred and Will?” he finally got out, his voice lower and more dangerous than he wanted it to be.

Merlin started as if he had forgotten Arthur was there. His eyes met Arthur’s for the barest second and then darted away. He stared down at the pizza on his plate for several silent moments, composing himself. The only sound in the room the soft babbling of a game show coming from the telly.

“Why’d you get Nicki’s?” Merlin asked finally. “I know you like that poncy place better.”

“Thought you might be hungry,” Arthur murmured back softly. Merlin didn’t meet his eyes but he took another small bite as Arthur watched. When it became clear that he either didn’t intend to continue or had forgotten what they were talking about, Arthur scooted closer to him on the sofa so that his shin was tucked up along Merlin’s thigh. Even if Merlin didn’t share any of the other details, he did need the answer to one question.

“Merlin,” he asked haltingly, “Are you … safe?”

Merlin shot him a confused look so Arthur reached to take his hand. Merlin’s eyes widened comically at first, then narrowed as Arthur pushed up his sleeve to examine the smudge of bruises he spotted yesterday.

“Figures you saw that. Yes, I’m safe. When I – when they … Will grabbed my arm a little too hard when I tried to leave, but it’s fine. You don’t need to worry about that.” Merlin gently shook Arthur’s hands off and went back to his pizza. “You don’t need to worry about any of it.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Arthur said leaning back to give Merlin a bit of space, but keeping his leg pressed warmly against Merlin’s.

“Okay as I can be when –” his face crumpled for just a second. He pulled himself back together quickly, but when he turned to look at Arthur, his eyes were still bright with unshed tears. “Mordred’s chucked me. He’s—” his voice cracked a little, but he carried on, determined now to have it out. “Apparently, they’re in _love_. Have been – pining for each other for months, I suppose. Mordred said the only reason he’s been so awful is because he’s been trying to get me to dump him so he could ask out Will. Bloody coward. Said he didn’t want to break up with me before because he was – Arthur?”

Arthur had done his best to keep his cool, he really had, but his body sprang up from the sofa without his permission.

“They still at the pub?” he asked, tone clipped and already headed for his coat.

“Yes. Wait, no. Arthur, please don’t, you’ll only make it worse,” Merlin sounded panicked and it was enough to snap Arthur’s brain back into focus and he paused, moving back to the sitting room to think. What would starting a brawl accomplish? Where would that leave Merlin? He growled in frustration, but slowly turned and made his way back to the sofa, where he tucked himself even closer to Merlin, propping his arm around the back of the sofa and leaning in.

“Listen to me,” he spoke harshly. “They’re – they’re fucking morons. The worst kind. Scum. You deserve _so_ much better, and you mustn’t let them –”

“God, Arthur,” Merlin cut him off, sounding irritable again. “That’s what you always say! But this keeps happening! Maybe I don’t deserve any better. Everyone else is like ‘oh, it’s so romantic though Merlin’ and ‘oh he was always a bit of a crap boyfriend, it’ll be better for everyone this way’ and Will is like ‘Merlin, everyone knows that you’re already in –” he cut himself off abruptly, staring resolutely ahead, ears flushed pink.

Arthur’s entire body twitched with the desire to rip the heads off everyone in their group of friends, but he fought the urge, pushed his body closer, moved his arm from the back of the sofa to drape across Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin pushed back into his touch with a small exhale.

“They’re already living together, you know,” he said softly. “And all I keep thinking is how bloody convenient it is to have everyone who’s decided I’m not worth it living under the same roof.”

A single fat tear escaped his eyelashes and rolled down his cheek. Arthur couldn’t get any closer short of pulling Merlin into his lap so he leaned in and pulled him into his arms instead. Merlin went willingly and pressed his wet face into Arthur’s shoulder, breathing shakily. Arthur held him as tightly as he dared and pressed his cheek into the crown of Merlin’s head.

“I’m sorry, Merlin,” he whispered, letting one hand rub circles across Merlin’s back. “I hate that this is happening to you. None of it’s your fault.” 

They sat that way for a while, Arthur trying to ignore both the urge to plot murderously against Mordred and Will as well as the urge to run his hands through Merlin’s hair. Despite the circumstances, it felt so good, so _right_ to have Merlin in his arms, pressed up against him. After several long minutes, Merlin finally pushed away with a bit of an embarrassed laugh, wiping his eyes.

“Sorry. I’m a right sloppy mess tonight.”

“Never,” Arthur said firmly. “Now drink this water too.”

Merlin drank obediently and promptly excused himself to the loo. When he came back into the sitting room, Arthur patted the sofa next to him and Merlin collapsed next to him with a groan.

“I ate too much pizza,” he moaned, leaning sideways to drape himself back against Arthur’s body. Arthur stretched his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, grateful that he was still buzzed enough not to think anything of it.

“You also drank too much alcohol.”

“Shut up,” Merlin said, without heat.

“Want to go for a run in the morning?”

“God, no. You absolute monster.”

They laid together for a silent moment before Arthur burst out, “Can’t I _please_ kick their arses?”

“No. Can’t. You’re comfy and you need to stay right where you are.”

Arthur sighed in disappointment, though the words warmed his entire body. 

“Want to watch the rest of that nature program before bed then?”

“Yes,” Merlin answered, and was promptly snoring on Arthur’s chest not five minutes later.

Arthur turned off the television and sat quietly, taking a moment to just soak in the quiet of their flat, Merlin’s chest rising and falling against his, the way his body relaxed so fully into Arthur’s, his hands curled against his chest, dark hair fanning against Arthur’s shirt. He let the warm ache fill him – he wanted every night to be exactly like this for the rest of their lives.

When Merlin’s breaths started getting deeper and more even, Arthur rubbed his back to rouse him.

“Hey. Let’s get to sleep, alright?”

“’Right,” Merlin murmured and staggered to his feet. Arthur stayed close as they made their way down the hall, Merlin listing ever so slightly into him. While Merlin clambered into his bed, Arthur circled back to the sitting room to turn off the lights and returned with Merlin’s mobile, which he plugged in but didn’t power on, and the refilled glass of water, which he sat on the nightstand. As he turned to leave, Merlin’s hand shot out from the covers and caught his, pulling Arthur down close. Merlin propped up on one elbow and pressed his lips to Arthur’s cheek.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly into the dark room.

“I didn’t do anything,” Arthur whispered back.

“Did,” Merlin replied, squeezing his hand and releasing it before collapsing back into a pile of pillows and duvet. Arthur gave his flank a final pat before retreating to his own room, where he lay awake staring at the ceiling for a long time before sleep. 

~ ❅ ~

Arthur woke full of nervous energy and decided to go for a run after all. He hovered outside Merlin’s bedroom just in case he was awake, but heard nothing but silence. He left a post it note that said “DRINK WATER” on the bathroom mirror, did a perfunctory stretch in the stairwell, and headed out into the frosty morning air. 

The streets were more crowded than they would usually be at this time as people headed out for holiday shopping, so he relaxed into an easy pace and wound through some smaller side-streets. He soon found that he was distracted enough by the previous night’s events that listening to music was pointless, so he removed his earbuds and just let his mind wander. The exercise felt good and his body was still singing with the memory of Merlin pressed close the night before. Arthur knew it was much too close to the break-up to ask Merlin out properly, but he reckoned there wasn’t anything stopping him from continuing his campaign of stealthy courtship-- after all, it was going splendidly so far. The fact that Mordred and Will had hurt Merlin so badly still niggled at the back of his brain, but he was determined that his goal of making Merlin happy was more important than making them sorry. For the time being anyway. Having recommitted to his plan, he spent the rest of the run daydreaming about the possible outcomes of his plan.

The daydreaming got him a little off course and he wound up running farther than he expected. By the time he made it back to the flat, Merlin had already left. Arthur felt a stab of disappointment until he spotted a note stuck to the refrigerator. 

“Am never drinking again. I mean it this time! Had to go to Mordred’s (Will’s? Ugh.) to get some of my things and try to talk again. If not back by noon please come rescue me. Will you be home tonight? I’m thinking of making sauce. Text me and I’ll stop by the shops on the way back. - M.”

Arthur had started the note scowling but broke into a grin by the end. Merlin hadn’t cooked for them in months, since before he started seeing Mordred, and his spaghetti sauce made the flat smell heavenly all day. He texted Merlin that he would definitely be home and was looking forward to dinner, then added a heart eye emoji as an afterthought. Merlin texted back immediately with a thumbs up emoji, a drooling emoji and three heart eyes emojis. Arthur headed to the shower with a smile on his face. 

~ ❅ ~

Arthur was unsure what kind of mood Merlin would be in when he got home, so he spent some time tidying up the kitchen and then cleared off the table so he could camp out there with his laptop until Merlin reappeared. Surprisingly, Merlin came bursting into the flat beaming not long after Arthur had finished cleaning up. 

"Smell this basil," he demanded almost before he had got in the door. "It’s so fresh! Greenhouses are amazing." 

Arthur obediently inhaled and hummed his agreement. "How did everything go?"

"Hmm?" Merlin was already distracted unpacking ingredients onto the worktop. 

"With Mordred?"

"Oh, that. Yes, it went fine. When I left yesterday he said I had to come by and get some things, so when I heard you leave for your run this morning and actually felt pretty human -- ta for that, by the way -- I thought 'why not just head over bright and early,'" Merlin smirked to himself. "Saw some things I didn't want to see, but it was worth it to watch him staggering around miserable and hungover, stuffing my socks into a paper sack." 

Merlin tilted his head toward the knapsack he had been wearing to indicate the retrieved items. 

“I’ll probably have to go back again at some point, but I got the stuff I was really after and ruined both their mornings, so I call it a win.” 

“You’re really very evil, Merlin. You may fool everyone else with that sweet and innocent exterior, but you’re not fooling me.”

Merlin grinned at him over his shoulder, “Don’t tell on me.”

“Never.” 

Arthur had gotten up to help Merlin wrangle the shopping but was shooed back to his laptop.

“I’ve seen you in a kitchen, just go back to your spreadsheets. Is an early-ish dinner okay?”

“The sooner it’s ready the better, to be honest,” Arthur said, watching as salad fixings, a bottle of wine, a fresh loaf of bread, and cherry pie were crammed onto the worktop. “You’re really going all out, huh?”

“A celebration,” Merlin said as he started pulling down chopping boards and pans. “To new beginnings.”

“Merlin,” Arthur tried to hide his smile behind his laptop, “Don’t take this the wrong way, any time you want to have a hideous breakup is fine by me.”

~ ❅ ~

Arthur had already finished up the most pressing work tasks that he needed to get done this weekend, had done some not-strictly-necessary work to prepare for several meetings that would take place this week, had reviewed some supplemental information that he didn’t normally get to, and finally admitted to himself that he just liked sitting in the kitchen and staring at Merlin while he cooked.

Merlin was playing a jazz playlist through the kitchen speakers and, with his back to Arthur, had been steadily chopping, pureeing, seasoning, mixing, rolling meatballs, all while keeping a light running commentary to Arthur. Now he was stirring the pot meditatively and Arthur found he wanted nothing more than to crowd up behind him, slip his hands under his jumper to touch bare skin, run his lips across the back of his neck. But as he didn’t think he could quite get away with that under the guise of platonic friendship, he did at least allow himself to move closer, hanging a little too close and inhaling deeply.

“Mmmmm,” Arthur breathed appreciatively and was gratified to see a little shiver run through Merlin. “God I’ve missed having you home. How would you feel about becoming a monk?”

Merlin snorted, “Don’t act like it’s me you’ve missed,” he said lightly. “And besides, I’m taking a break from dating for a while, I think.”

“Hey, I can miss both you and your cooking,” Arthur protested. “But why a break from dating?” his heart was pounding and he wasn’t sure why.

Merlin sighed and put down his wooden spoon, reducing the heat to a simmer but not turning around from the stovetop yet. 

“I just … always seem to make the most horrible choices when it comes to boyfriends. At the end it always feels as though I liked the idea of being with someone more than I liked the actual someone, but I never seem to realize that in time. I think … I need to just take some time. To figure out what a really want in a partner, like, in a long term sort of way. And then,” he shrugged and turned around to meet Arthur’s eyes, “Hopefully the right person will come along.”

The eye contact felt searing, but Arthur’s was sure it was all in his head and managed to maintain his composure, nodding.

“I think that’s a good idea,” he agreed, returning to his place at the laptop. “I’ve been doing a bit of the same myself to be honest.” He risked a glance up to see that Merlin was still staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “Err … want to play Stardew Valley?”

Merlin’s face relaxed into a smile again. “Sure – let me just set a timer for when I’ve got to stir this and I’ll be right over.”

~ ❅ ~

The afternoon slipped by with the rich scent of the spaghetti sauce slowly permeating the flat as Arthur and Merlin pressed too close together on the sofa playing video games. Arthur had just finished making Merlin cry with laughter recounting some tales from his incompetent personal assistant when he glanced at the clock on the wall and jumped up, “Oh! It’s later than I thought, I need to make the garlic bread and start the pasta, otherwise that sauce will get too thick.”

Arthur powered down the system and stood up. “Let me help with something this time – I promise I can at least boil water. I don’t want you to do _all_ the work by yourself.”

Merlin snorted, “If you’re really concerned about me doing all the work, you’re welcome to the dishes.”

Arthur looked at him with just the barest fraction of a pout. It was enough though, because Merlin rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen. “Get a cutting board and start mincing that garlic.” But Arthur could see the smile at the corner of his lips. 

They worked easily side by side in the kitchen, breaking into the wine a bit early. Arthur managed to mince the garlic without embarrassing or injuring himself and Merlin’s approving smile warmed him through, despite the fact that a heavy rain had begun falling outside. After he set the table, Arthur disappeared to his room for a moment and returned triumphantly, having unearthed a set of crystal candlesticks and tapers. They had been a tongue-in-cheek house-warming present from Arthur’s half-sister Morgana, who at the time could not understand why Arthur had elected to live in a tiny flat in zone 3 when he could have had a penthouse in Westminster, no matter how many times Arthur explained to her that he wanted something that Merlin could afford to go halves on with his secondary school teacher salary. Arthur had thrown them in the back of his closet in a huff at the time, but now he thought they looked quite nice as he set them out. Merlin rolled his eyes as he transferred the food to the table.

“You don’t have to dim the lights you know. I’ve managed to live with your hideous face this long; I’m sure I can make it through one meal across from it.”

“Shut up,” Arthur said absently, fumbling with a match to get the candles lit and then turning off the kitchen lights. “It’s for ambiance, to complement the dinner. Don’t be such a philistine.”

Merlin looked at Arthur thoughtfully for a moment, then restarted his jazz playlist at low volume and refilled their wine glasses before taking his seat across from Arthur at the small table.

“To new beginnings,” he toasted.

“And old friends,” Arthur added, catching Merlin’s eye as they drank. He might have been blushing, but the candlelight made it hard to tell. Either way, he could hardly look more lovely. Arthur broke eye contact before his thoughts wandered too far and began to heap food onto his plate.

They made their way their way through the dinner, chatting animatedly about Merlin’s students and Arthur’s upcoming business trip to Hong Kong. When the first bottle of wine was finished, Arthur opened another bottle and they lingered over the cherry pie. Merlin insisted that they turn the lights back on to do the dishes, and after a brief squabble in which it was decided that Arthur would wash and rinse and Merlin would dry and put away, they settled in to make quick work of the dishes, laughing and a little buzzed. 

As Arthur drained the sink and wiped down the worktop his heart clenched painfully in his chest. This was all he had ever wanted, all he had wanted ever since they had moved in together. The quiet domesticity, the easy familiarity, the quiet day-to-day moments. He was so close to having it all, but he knew from years of experience that as soon as Merlin got a new boyfriend that he’d throw all his efforts into making a life with him instead of with Arthur. It was so clear that Merlin wanted all the same things he did … so why not with Arthur instead of with anyone else?

 _You haven’t even told him that you like men, you tosser._

He was interrupted from his own internal berating by Merlin pressing a wine glass back into his hand with a smile. 

“Don’t think that worktop’s going to get any more dry. Is this where I make you take some paracetamol?” 

Arthur chuckled, shaking the thoughts from his head, and followed Merlin to where he sprawled on the sofa. Tonight instead of lifting his feet into his lap, Arthur moved to where Merlin's head was and gestured for him to budge up. Merlin laughed but obliged and when Arthur plopped onto the sofa, Merlin resettled his head into Arthur's lap without hesitation. Arthur's brain was buzzing with more than just the alcohol. He wanted so badly for this to be real, to be able to bury his fingers in Merlin's unruly hair, to be able to take his hand and kiss the knuckles, to coax him into bed and take him apart thoroughly. 

Perhaps eventually, but Arthur reminded himself firmly that Merlin had just gone through a traumatic break-up and needed a friend more than anything. It didn't help that said traumatic break-up haver was smiling up at Arthur as if he'd done something clever. Arthur smiled back, clenching his hand into a fist on the back of the sofa to keep from touching. They continued their earlier conversation in the dim lamplight for a bit until they lapsed into an easy silence, listening to the sound of the rain sweeping down outside the windows. 

Finally, when he couldn't take the proximity of Merlin's warm weight across his lap any longer, Arthur stretched with a groan. 

"Thank you again for dinner. I really have missed your cooking. And your company," he added quickly.

Merlin smiled, but his eyes were unreadable. "Well, there's more where that came from, on both counts."

"I certainly hope so," Arthur said, nudging Merlin to indicate that he needed to get up. Merlin swung his feet around to the floor and leaned against the sofa back with his hands behind his head, gazing up at Arthur fondly. 

"I think I'm going to turn in for now -- I've got an early meeting. But thank you again, Merlin." 

Arthur hovered for a moment, trying to gather up his nerve, and finally he stooped down to press his lips to Merlin's flushed cheek for the briefest of glorious moments. 

"Goodnight," he murmured in his ear and then turned on his tail and beat a hasty retreat to his room, not daring to look back at Merlin's face. 

"'Night," floated down the hall after him. Arthur closed his door and sat on his bed, fingertips pressed to his lips and hands shaking. 

God, this was going to kill him. 

~ ❅ ~

Despite all his weekend preparations, it didn’t take long for Arthur to get buried at work on Monday -- which was just as well as nothing but an intense workload was capable of getting his mind off Merlin. He knew things would slow down a bit once it was closer to Christmas, but for now everything was careening toward his meeting in Hong Kong, which his father had just informed him was being extended from four days to a full week. 

“A week? Father, I won’t get back until two days before Christmas!”

“Exactly, Arthur. I’m glad you understand.”

“Understand? What are you talking about,” Arthur huffed, pacing angrily around the room. 

“All the other department managers have families, partners, obligations. Being as you have none of those things, it makes perfect sense that you’d be the one to take on the extended meeting. The investors at the Hong Kong office will take our extended visit as a sign of our increased commitment at a time when they’re feeling vulnerable, the other managers will be happy because they’re not the ones who have to go, and it’s no different to you, so it makes perfect sense.” 

Arthur knew that his father didn’t mean any of what he said maliciously, and in fact he was perfectly right -- Arthur had no one, and no reason why he shouldn’t be the one to make the long trip. But still, hearing it said out loud and knowing that he didn’t have all those things when he desperately wanted them, and was actively working toward them, made him seethe with despair. He stopped his pacing and flopped dramatically into a leather chair across from his father, all the fight gone out of him.

“You’re right,” he said with a sigh. 

Uther looked up at him from the papers that he was shuffling through. “Of course I am. Unless there’s someone I don’t know about?”

“No,” Arthur said sullenly, staring out the window. “There’s not.” 

“You can take some extra time in the new year in return, if you want. Go somewhere warm.”

Arthur had a brief fantasy of taking Merlin to a hut on some tropical, white sand beach, spending a long weekend drinking fruity cocktails and enjoying Merlin’s miles of creamy skin exposed as they swam in a crystal blue ocean. Arthur growled and gave himself a shake. _Focus, for Christ’s sake_.

“I’ll think about it,” he replied, standing up and buttoning his suit jacket. He had seen George poking his head in nervously, which probably meant he was late for another meeting. 

~ ❅ ~

And he did think about it, wondered if there was any way to ask Merlin to come away with him on an exotic mini-holiday in a platonic way. All day long, whenever his mind got a free moment, it returned to the vision of the two of them sprawled out on a beach, Merlin with sunburned cheeks and turning his head to laugh at something Arthur had said, the warm sun on their backs and the sea breeze ruffling their hair. He couldn’t get the blasted image out of his head, which meant that he couldn’t focus and wound up having to bring work home, which he was still grumbling about when he entered the flat and was immediately assaulted by the object of his fantasy, who had apparently cooked dinner for him. It was nothing fancy, just a simple stir-fry, but Arthur ate it gratefully and tried not to think too hard about either his island fantasy or how much he liked feeling a bit taken care of and fussed over, by Merlin specifically. 

“A whole week?!”

“Closer to eight days with the travel,” Arthur replied sulkily, spearing a broccoli floret.

“But it’s right before Christmas!” Merlin said indignantly. 

“I know! That’s what I said! But father said that it makes the most sense for me to go since I haven’t,” Arthur paused to swallow, “Since I haven’t any family, or any partner.” 

He saw Merlin about to protest but think better of it. 

“Will you make it back in time for Morgana’s party?” he asked instead. His sister threw a ridiculously extravagant holiday party every year and it was usually the event of the season.

“I’m hoping so,” Arthur said, taking seconds, “God this is good, Merlin, better than veg and tofu have any right to be.”

“There’s nothing wrong with veg and tofu,” Merlin said defensively. “And you’d better be back for the party! I need as many people as a buffer between me and Mordred as I can get.”

“I’m sure you’ll be well covered, even if I’m not there,” Arthur replied. “Er … how is all that going anyway?”

“I mean, it’s only been a week, but I haven’t heard much from them, and honestly, I’m feeling better than I thought I would. I’m still completely pissed off at the situation, but, well. Will is my mate, so I guess I should be happy for him. And Mordred … well, he always was kind of a crap boyfriend, right?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Arthur said emphatically, with his mouth stuffed full.

Merlin made a face at him and continued, “So honestly it’s been a bit of a relief to just not have to worry about it. I’m doing better than I expected.”

Arthur hummed approval as he reached for his glass and privately hoped that this meant that Merlin would be emotionally back on the market sooner than expected. “And things with Gwen?”

“That’s definitely better. We got a chance to talk more this week and … yeah, things are okay. I think we both understand where the other is coming from better now.”

“Good,” Arthur said, standing up to bring their dishes to the sink. 

“Want to get a tree this year?” Merlin changed the subject smoothly. “We didn’t last year since neither of us were home enough to warrant it, but since we’re a pair of sad bachelors this year I think it’d be nice.”

“Sure,” Arthur said, trying not to think about his disastrous holiday season the previous year, which culminated with a public breakup with Mithian on New Year’s Eve, followed by his string of hook-ups with men through the winter. “Let’s do it up properly then. We’re both around this weekend, yeah? Let’s get the tree and decorate and maybe invite Gwen and Lance over for hot chocolate and Christmas movies. We can get takeaway and just be generally merry.”

Merlin nodded, coming to join him by the sink, grabbing a towel from the rack. “I think that sounds perfect. I’ll see if Freya wants to come by too.”

Arthur winced. Freya, who taught with Gwen and Merlin, always looked way too longingly at Merlin for his liking, but he said, “Sure, the more the merrier. I deserve some bonus Christmas time, since I’ll be lucky if I don’t miss the whole holiday between this trip and the jet lag.” 

~ ❅ ~

Saturday found them up bright and early at the shops, splurging on decorations for the flat and the tree and doing most of their own Christmas shopping as well. Once they’d stopped by and deposited all their purchases at the flat, they set back out to find a Christmas tree somewhere near enough to the flat to haul back without too much trouble. Luckily, they were able to find a stand and purchase a respectable little balsam fir that was easily brought up the lift and into the flat. Merlin gleefully blasted his Christmas playlist and insisted on starting a batch of cookies while Arthur wrestled with getting the tree into the stand and straight enough to satisfy Merlin’s taste. Arthur had protested at the delay, but once the warm scent of gingerbread began wafting through the flat while they decorated he had to admit that Merlin was a genius.

The actual decorating of the tree was always less fun than Arthur remembered, but he enjoyed getting Merlin wound up by playfully bickering with him over which side of the tree should face the wall, whether they should put the colored or white lights on the tree, and whether the star went on first or last. Merlin retaliated by being unbearably picky about how the lights were put on and where each ornament should be hung and telling Arthur he couldn’t have any gingerbread until Gwen got there. 

“Lance and Freya had plans, but Gwen was chuffed because she was going to be alone in the flat all night while Lance was at some piss up with the lads from his rugby team.”

Arthur had a brief flash of annoyance at Gwen for being able to make it, but Merlin looked so pleased she was coming that he couldn’t stay annoyed. It was just that he had only just gotten Merlin back and wished he didn’t have to share him with anyone else yet. 

As the watery grey daylight faded into night, Merlin and Arthur finished decorating both the tree and the flat, had called in the dinner order, and opened a bottle of wine to toast the tree. Merlin insisted on turning off all the lights and making Arthur sit on the sofa in darkness while he dramatically plugged the lights into the wall socket. Arthur had to admit that under Merlin’s careful ministrations the tree had come out gorgeously. The ornaments were arranged artfully and the warm multi-colored lights bathed the flat in a cheerful glow. “O Holy Night” was warbling softly from the speakers as Merlin came and sat pressed close to Arthur’s side on the sofa. 

“Not too bad, eh?” Merlin said softly, cocking his head to smile softly at Arthur. 

Arthur met his eyes and held his gaze.

“It’s beautiful.”

Merlin’s breath hitched and suddenly, the air around them was charged with something that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Merlin’s face was soft and open in the warm lights from the tree and a pink tinge was crawling from his cheeks to his ears. 

“It is,” Merlin replied and Arthur shifted so he was facing him, resting his arm causally against the back of the sofa, centimeters from Merlin’s shoulders. Arthur held his breath and glanced down to where Merlin’s full lips had parted slightly before flickering back up to meet Merlin’s eyes. Without permission his body swayed closer. Merlin’s eyes widened in shock and Arthur froze, hesitating. 

“Helllllllooooo,” came a voice from the hall, coupled with a loud knock at the door. “Let me in, I’ve got eggnog.”

Merlin launched himself off the sofa. “Oh, that’ll be Gwen,” he said needlessly, rushing to the door and frantically turning on lights as he went. 

Arthur stood up awkwardly and rubbed his sweating hands on his knees, heart still pounding. He was torn between giddy disbelief that he had actually almost kissed Merlin and bitter disappointment that it looked as if he had been pulling away just the moment before they were interrupted. He shook his head - he didn’t think he was reading the situation wrong, but he needed to stop being an idiot and focus. It was still far too soon to actually approach Merlin about a relationship -- Arthur needed to go back to just being a mate, and mates didn’t snog in front of the Christmas tree. 

Having given himself this little pep talk, Arthur cleared his throat and moved toward the door where Merlin was greeting Gwen and looking flustered. He took her coat and hurried to hang it up.

“Guinevere,” Arthur said in a teasingly over-formal fashion.

“Arthur,” she replied with a warm smile, bending down to tug off her boots. “You two have clearly been into the booze already, you’re all flushed.” Her eyes twinkled in a way that made Arthur think she knew exactly what was going on, but all she said was, “Well, you’d better catch up me then. And oi, where are your pyjamas? Merlin, you told me this was a pyjama party. Or were you just trying to make me look like a tit?” 

Now that Arthur looked closer, Gwen was in fact resting her fists on hips coated in fleece decorated with dancing penguins. Merlin laughed a genuine laugh at her expression. 

“I wasn’t! I’ll go change right now. I’m sure I’ve got something equally horrific.”

“I know for a fact you do,” Arthur called after him. “Sorry, Gwen, I don’t own any pyjamas with woodland creatures on them. I assume joggers will do?”

Gwen pretended to consider. “I’ll allow it this time,” she said, then in a lower voice, “How is he doing?” 

“Merlin?” 

Gwen rolled her eyes, “No, your other flatmate who was spectacularly chucked for his ex. Yes, Merlin!”

“He’s, uhhh, fine? He seems to be taking things pretty well. We’ve talked about it a few times and he seems to think that it was for the best and is coming around. _I’d_ still like to punch both of them in their fucking faces, mind, but Merlin’s doing okay.”

“Well, no surprises there, you caveman. I’m a bit surprised that you haven’t already, to be honest.”

“Trust me,” Arthur said, his eyes drifting down the hall to Merlin’s room. “It’s not for lack of wanting.”

Gwen looked at him appraisingly, but only said, “Well, I’m glad to hear it. He’s had his phone off in the evenings this week so I wanted to make sure he wasn’t, you know. Moping about.” 

Arthur thought back to the last week and the easy intimacy he and Merlin had shared over dinner and telly in the evenings. He willed the blood not to rise to his face. “Nope. No moping that I can detect.”

“Good -- that puts my mind at ease a bit, I don’t mind telling you.” They heard Merlin’s door open and turned to watch him walking down the hall in a long-sleeved shirt with a big cartoon moose on the front and red plaid fleece pyjama trousers with cartoon moose heads. 

“Someone ordered woodland creatures?” he grinned. “Go get changed, Arthur, the food should be here soon. What do we want to watch? Nativity? Love Actually? Elf?” 

“Ooh, I haven't seen Nativity in forever, let’s do that.” 

Arthur went to his room and spent some time choosing what loungewear he wanted to put on and giving Gwen a moment to see for herself that Merlin was doing well. When he emerged, the Chinese had already arrived and been doled out and Gwen was piling blankets on the sofa while Merlin fiddled with the remotes, queueing up the movie. Arthur refilled his wine glass with water and returned to see Merlin cuddled up cozy with Gwen at one end of the sofa. The sight shouldn’t have felt like a knife to Arthur’s chest -- after all, platonic but closer was what he had been going for all along with Merlin, but seeing Merlin being so casually tactile with his other friends reminded him that what they were doing was nothing special, didn’t mean anything. No wonder he had pulled back earlier … Arthur was an idiot. He schooled his face quickly before either of them could see and casually made his way to the armchair before Gwen protested. 

“What are you doing? Sit on the sofa with us; we have all the blankets and there’s plenty of room!”

He hesitated, glancing to Merlin, who looked resolutely ahead. 

“Go on, you can see the screen better,” Gwen smiled warmly and patted the space next to her.

Arthur relented and switched spots to settle next to Gwen, hitting off the lights and grabbing his container of General Tso’s as he settled onto the sofa. The Christmas tree glowing in his peripheral vision only served to remind him of what Gwen had interrupted. He resolutely stared straight ahead, pointedly not letting his gaze stray to either Merlin or the tree and laughed along with the movie. After she was finished with her food, Gwen stretched and twisted around on the sofa so that Merlin was practically spooning her and settled against him with a happy sigh. Arthur stiffened up, trying not to look, telling himself that it was _ridiculous_ to feel jealous, until he felt another shift toward the back of the sofa and felt a pressure along his thigh.

At first he thought it was Gwen, fully making herself comfortable, but when he glanced down, he saw that Merlin had extended his foot so that it was tucked up against Arthur’s thigh. Arthur snapped his head back to the television, but only lasted a minute before he snuck a glance at Merlin. Merlin was staring straight at him, the soft, open look from earlier back on his face. He winked at Arthur, flexing his toes, and turned back to the movie with a smirk. 

Arthur felt an unnamable relief wash over him as he slipped his hand down from the back of the sofa to give Merlin’s ankle a squeeze. Gwen seemed engrossed in the movie and wasn't paying the least bit of attention, so Arthur kept his hand where it was, thumb occasionally rubbing along the side of Merlin’s foot, for the rest of the movie. He didn’t dare look at Merlin again. 

When the movie was over, everyone untangled themselves and Merlin hopped up to make a pan of hot chocolate, which they drank sitting at the kitchen table and munching the gingerbread cookies. 

After an hour or so, Gwen got a series of barely legible texts from Lance and decided that she’s better run back to her flat to make sure he was still breathing. She tugged on her boots and coat and hat and with a kiss on the cheek from Merlin and a stiff hug from Arthur, was on her way. 

“Well?” Merlin asked, moving to the sitting room to pull the plug on the Christmas tree’s lights. 

“Well what?” Arthur asked, wondering if they were going to talk about what had happened earlier after all. 

“Was that a sufficient substitute for all the Christmas you’re going to miss in Hong Kong?”

Arthur huffed a laugh. “Well, it was a good start.”

Merlin smiled to himself a little sadly and stacked their dishes into the sink. 

“I’m just going to wait and do these tomorrow, I’m knackered.”

“Oh, thank god,” Arthur said with feeling, dumping the hot chocolate mugs into the sink. 

Merlin laughed and surveyed the kitchen and sitting room, stretching luxuriously. 

“Well,” he said after a pause, “I’m for bed. Good night, Arthur.”

Before Arthur could register what was happening, Merlin had leaned in and kissed his cheek softly, lingering for just a moment longer than necessary. Arthur wondered whether his aim was off or whether Merlin had deliberately strayed close to the corner of his mouth. 

Merlin pulled back and looked into Arthur’s eyes, his expression unreadable. Arthur felt frozen in place, his eyes locked with Merlin’s. After a beat of silence, Merlin sighed and reached up to ruffle Arthur’s hair affectionately. 

“Sleep well.”

Arthur remained still, though his eyes tracked Merlin as he made his way down the hall and into his room, shutting the door. He blinked several times, stared straight ahead for a moment, then looked back down the hall. His feet moved without his permission to Merlin’s door where he paused with his hand raised, imagining in a flash bursting into the room, kissing Merlin stupid, pushing him down onto his bed, feeling their bodies pressed close together. 

But then the memory of Merlin’s shocked face and how quickly he had jumped away from their near kiss came rushing back to him and he lowered his hand with a soft sigh. He lingered at the shut door for a moment, listening to the muffled sounds of Merlin moving around inside, and then turned and headed to his own room. He lowered himself onto the bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He was more confused about the situation than ever and was almost grateful for the fact that he'd soon be abroad for a week. Maybe with a little distance he'd be able to sort out the mess that was happening and figure out what he should do next. 

When he heard Merlin's door open his head shot up, but Merlin only crossed the hall into the bathroom. A moment later Arthur heard the shower start and groaned, flopping back onto his bed. Just what he needed on top of everything else that had happened tonight, to be forced to lie here listening to the sounds of Merlin -- wet and slick and naked -- moving around in the shower not ten meters away from him. He stared at the ceiling and briefly considered having a quick wank, but ultimately decided that getting off to the sound of his flatmate showering was a bit pathetic and more than a bit creepy. He was grateful for that decision when ten minutes later there was a soft knock at his door. Arthur scrambled to his feet and tried to look like he hadn’t been lying there listening. 

Merlin poked his head in and Arthur sucked in a breath. His pale skin was flushed from the shower, his hair still wet and curling charmingly around his ears. Arthur’s eyes trailed down Merlin’s bare chest, quickly taking in the droplets of water still clinging to his narrow shoulders, the sparse hairs on his chest, his lean, flat stomach and the towel slung precariously low on his hips, before snapping back up to his amused eyes. Arthur willed the blood to stay out of his cheeks. 

“I forgot to mention that I’ll be out all day tomorrow to work on grading with Elena and Freya, but do you want to do dinner and another Christmas movie tomorrow night?” 

Arthur swallowed. “Yeah sure – if you’ll be out all day I can take care of dinner?” 

“Brilliant,” Merlin said, grinning winsomely. “It’s a date. Sleep well, Arthur.” 

And he was gone, closing the door quietly behind him before Arthur even had a chance to fully process what he’d said. Arthur flopped back onto his bed and groaned softly. _You know what_ , he told himself, slipping a hand down the front of his joggers and squeezing, _I’m going to have that wank after all._

~ ❅ ~

Arthur slept so solidly that he didn’t even hear Merlin leave in the morning. When he woke, he stared at the ceiling, wondering how much longer they were going to continue this pattern of increasing intimacy in the evenings followed by avoiding each other in the morning. He sighed, did his best to shove it all out of his head, and started googling easy dinner recipes.

The day passed quickly in a blur of recipe searches, a run to the shops for supplies, and hours spent reviewing Cantonese phrases and Hong Kongese business etiquette. By late afternoon, Arthur wandered to the kitchen to arrange his ingredients and begin mincing an onion for the simple soup he was planning. Merlin had texted that he was on his way home and Arthur was doing his best to remind himself that it was _ridiculous_ for him to feel nervous about spending an evening with Merlin. But still, he found himself checking the recipe directions repeatedly to make sure he wasn’t fucking it up, changing into a nicer jumper, and putting a bottle of wine on and off the table three times before deciding that it probably wasn’t necessary on a Sunday night. 

Luckily for Arthur, seeing Merlin burst into the flat simultaneously gasping apologies for running late and tripping over his own feet seemed to evaporate any hint of nerves and he was able to relax into their normal banter. Merlin was teasingly impressed with the soup and Arthur called him an idiot for missing their stop on the tube and not realizing it until three stops later. 

“What on earth could possibly be distracting you that much, Merlin?” Arthur tried to sound as huffy as possible, but he knew it came out flirtier than he wanted it to. 

Merlin just grinned into his soup and muttered, “Wouldn’t you like to know, you enormous prat.”

As they tackled the dishes, the discussion had turned again to Arthur’s trip and bemoaning what a nightmare it was going to be to get checked in for his flight whilst towing along an extra suitcase filled with gifts for Camelot’s business partners. 

“When do you leave again?” Merlin asked thoughtfully.

“Tomorrow evening.”

There was a pause as they wiped dishes and finally Merlin said, “Why don’t I drive you over? We have a half day scheduled anyway and that way you won’t have to deal with two suitcases on the tube.”

Arthur spent a half second considering taking Merlin up on the offer, but even if he wasn’t madly in love with him, there’s no way that he would willingly subject another human to Heathrow during the holiday travel season. 

“Nah, won’t be necessary. If they’re making me take this ridiculous trip so near Christmas, I’m hiring a car and expensing it. A nice one.” After a moment he added, “I doubt your old junker would make it anyway.”

“Oi! That junker makes it back and forth to Ealdor multiple times per year, ta very much,” Merlin’s tone was light, but he looked disappointed. 

“Well, if you’re home I wouldn’t mind some help with getting everything into the car?”

Merlin smiled like the sun. 

Later, when they had settled on watching Love, Actually, Arthur tried not to think too much about Merlin’s offer during the airport terminal scenes. 

When they had moved to the sofa, Merlin had settled into his new normal position curled into Arthur’s side with his legs tucked under him and Arthur’s arm along the back of the couch. Memories of Gwen and Merlin’s casual closeness from the previous night pestered at the back of Arthur’s mind until his fidgeting got so much that Merlin shifted away and looked at him with a slightly furrowed brow. 

“Alright?”

“Yeah, just got a cramp in my leg. Need to stretch it a bit. Why don't you just--” Arthur tried to casually shuffle Merlin in front of him but Merlin just smirked and slid off the couch. 

“Budge up,” he demanded. “I’m taller; I should be the big spoon.”

Arthur, who knew damn well Merlin had an inch and a half on him, squawked indignantly, but Merlin was too quick and was settled behind him before he could protest. He pulled Arthur’s back snugly to his front and shoved a knee between Arthur’s. 

“Better?” he murmured in Arthur’s ear from way too close. 

“Uhh, yes, thanks,” Arthur said stiffly, flexing his leg in what he hoped was a convincing way and trying not to hyperventilate. Merlin hummed satisfaction and snaked an arm unselfconsciously around Arthur’s waist. Arthur knew he was holding himself tensely and forced himself to relax his body back into Merlin’s. It felt so incredibly good to have Merlin’s warm chest rising and falling against his back, to feel the vibrations of his chuckles and his steady breath against Arthur’s neck. For the first time in a long time, his mind felt totally at peace and after a moment he pillowed his head against Merlin’s bicep and let the tension drain out of him. He felt warm, and comfortable and cared for and before he knew it he was closing his eyes and letting the feeling wash over him in waves. 

“Don’t fall asleep, old man,” Merlin breathed into his ear some indeterminate time later. Arthur grunted and turned his attention back to the movie. He must have zoned out for quite a while because they were nearing the end, as was evidenced by Merlin beginning to sniffle continuously. 

“Giant girl,” Arthur mumbled with a sleepy smile. 

“Shut up you enormous plonker, some of us in this flat experience human emotions.” 

_If you only knew_ , Arthur thought wryly but he just said, “Every one of these relationships is about as dysfunctional as it gets, you know.” 

“If you start up with that again I swear I’ll push you off this sofa." 

Arthur smirked to himself and snuggled unabashedly into Merlin with a small sigh. 

After the credits rolled, Merlin reached for the remote and clicked the telly off, plunging the flat into silence and leaving only the glow of the Christmas tree for light. Neither of them made any move to untangle themselves, and as they laid in comfortable silence Arthur couldn’t help but think how easy it would be. He could just roll over in Merlin’s arms and they’d be face to face and he thought that if he kissed Merlin, he’d kiss back. A hot streak of want shot through Arthur’s body at the thought of finally getting his mouth on Merlin, but a sensible part of his brain reminded him that Merlin had been lying in this exact same position the previous night with _Gwen_ , a woman who was engaged for Christ’s sake, so it was unlikely that him being here now meant anything. But then again, the way Merlin’s arm was holding him tight and how close Arthur was nestled against Merlin’s body was much closer than Merlin and Gwen had been. Although, if he really considered it --

“You’re thinking too loud.” 

Arthur -- having fully distracted himself with this line of thought -- startled so hard that he wrenched himself from Merlin’s arms entirely. He sat up beside Merlin and rubbed at the back of his neck as Merlin propped himself up on his elbows and gazed at him, face hesitant. Arthur wanted to grab him and kiss him back into the sofa, but instead he stood up and stretched nervously. 

“Just thinking about the trip. Everything I’ve got to wrap up before I go. Should go in early in the morning,” Arthur babbled. Merlin flopped back onto the sofa and sighed. 

“Yeah, I should probably get some extra hours in tomorrow too. End of term and all.” 

“But I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon for sure?” 

“I’ll be here,” Merlin smiled softly. Arthur was sure his gaze lingered a little too long but he eventually managed to bid Merlin goodnight and make it safely back to his room. 

Once he was there he realized that he hadn’t kissed Merlin’s cheek goodnight, and then paced for five more minutes pondering how fucked up it was that he and Merlin had started _kissing each other goodnight_ and he still had no idea whether it meant anything. He sighed and sank into his bed. He knew it still hadn’t been long since Merlin’s break up, but if they continued like this, Arthur was sure he’d go fully mad by the new year. Once he had this blasted trip out of the way, he was going to sit down with Merlin and lay it all out, then he could decide. 

Having firmly resolved on this course of action, Arthur slept soundly, dreamt of Merlin’s arms around him, and woke up to an empty flat. 

~ ❅ ~

Monday afternoon found Arthur running like a madman around the flat, triple checking his packing list and managing to misplace his passport twice in a half hour. As soon as Merlin walked in the door he took one look at Arthur and said “Sit. Breathe. What else needs to be done?” 

Arthur could feel his body physically relax in Merlin’s presence as they worked through the final preparations together. By the time the driver texted that he was downstairs, Arthur felt very nearly calm and collected. He and Merlin corralled his garment bags, carry on and two large suitcases into the lifts and managed to get everything loaded into the boot of the car with a minimum of cursing. Merlin took a few uncertain steps back as Arthur checked in with the driver on the terminal and his timeframe but Arthur motioned to him to wait. 

The driver nodded understanding and moved to wait in the car as Arthur took a deep breath and turned toward Merlin, who had his hands shoved in his pocket and a forced smile. 

“Well! Have a good trip then! We’ll see you at Morgana’s party?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Arthur said, moving closer. He didn’t know who was more surprised when he went in for a hug, him or Merlin, but Merlin’s arms came around him without hesitation and squeezed him tight. “Don’t get into too much trouble without me.” 

Merlin snorted into his ear and released him far too quickly, but he was smiling a little brighter now. Arthur turned to the car but suddenly remembered the night before and the absent kiss on the cheek. 

“Wait, Merlin!” he called, turning back. 

Merlin had already started back to the flat, so Arthur grabbed his shoulder lightly to pull him around. He realized too late that he must have used more force than intended because when he leaned in expecting to find Merlin’s cheek, he instead found his lips lightly pressed directly over Merlin’s. It was only the barest of seconds, but he could feel the warm, slightly chapped shape of Merlin’s lower lip between his before he tore away. Merlin’s face was a mask of shock and Arthur backed away quickly, an apology dying halfway to his lips. 

They stared at each other on the pavement for a long moment, then Merlin’s eyes widened as Arthur squared his shoulders, stepped forward and leaned in to kiss him properly. 

For several glorious seconds, the whole world was slowed down and focused on the soft press of Arthur’s lips to Merlin’s. The kiss was chaste, just the barest press of their lips together and the tiniest bit of sweet friction as Arthur reluctantly pulled back, very aware now that the driver was waiting for him. He hesitated to meet Merlin’s eyes, but when he did, Merlin had a shy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and was flushed pink. Arthur spared a moment to seriously consider saying fuck the trip and dragging Merlin back upstairs to see how far down that blush went, but instead he stepped back with a small smile of his own and let himself into the car. 

He let out a deep breath as the driver pulled out smoothly into traffic. When he looked back, Merlin’s smile had faded a little, but he gave Arthur a little wave before shoving his hands back in his pockets and ducking his head. Arthur watched him until they turned out of sight. 

~ ❅ ~

Arthur was overthinking the whole situation, of course, but it was in fits and starts during the ride to Heathrow, whilst waiting in line for security, and after boarding the twelve hour flight. He managed to sleep on and off, but each time he woke it was to the disorienting feeling of tearing through the sky in a metal tube and the even more disorienting memory of his lips against his best friend’s. 

He had opened a text to Merlin at least ten times and shut it in frustration each time, not knowing what he could possibly say that wouldn’t sound awkward or overly formal or too clingy. Finally, Merlin had texted him right before takeoff with a simple “Safe travels! Let me know when you’ve arrived safely :)” and then Arthur had just started overthinking everything again. 

For better or worse, by the time he arrived in Hong Kong bleary-eyed and deeply uncertain of the day or the time or whether anything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours was real, his time to think about the situation at all was effectively eliminated. He barely managed to shoot off a quick message to Merlin to let him know that he’d arrived before he was hurried through customs and ushered into the care of a lower-ranking member of the Hong Kong office who had been tasked with getting him settled in his hotel and entertaining him for the evening. Arthur very much did not want to be entertained, but he knew better than to insult the businessman by showing any hint that he wasn’t having a wonderful time. 

Thankfully, due to the largely arbitrary nature of time, after he had checked in and freshened up it was already time to head out for dinner, which was informal and hosted by a boisterous enough group of colleagues from the Hong Kong office that it gave Arthur a bit of a second wind. By early evening, he was deposited to the hotel feeling slightly buzzed, completely exhausted, and wide awake. He didn’t even bother taking his shoes off before collapsing face first onto the bed, where he soaked in the peaceful solitude for a solid five minutes before dragging his watch up to see what time it was at home. A little after one in the afternoon in London -- Merlin would still be teaching for at least another hour. Arthur sent him a text asking how his day was going and relating one of the funnier stories from the dinner outing, then took a shower and unpacked his clothes. After an hour had passed, he still hadn’t heard anything and was fading fast, so he silenced his phone with a sigh and let himself be sucked under by sleep. 

When his alarm went off the next morning, he scrambled for his phone and felt a spike of frustration when he saw that Merlin had messaged saying he was done teaching for the day and asking if he wanted to video chat only half an hour after Arthur had turned off his phone, and then texted goodnight only an hour before his alarm had gone off. 

Arthur desperately wanted to see Merlin’s face, if nothing else because the physical distance and uneven passage of time made him feel less and less certain about where things stood between them. But if yesterday was any indication, their schedules were going to continue to clash for the entirety of the trip, something he honestly hadn’t considered before. He allowed himself one loud groan to the universe for mocking him, then sent Merlin a good morning text and did his best to shift his focus to the series of presentations he’d be giving to their investors today. 

The days passed quickly for Arthur as he was only left alone to sleep -- when he wasn’t in various meetings and working groups, he was either being wined and dined or taken on cultural outings to various tourist spots. There were lavish Christmas decorations lighting up the buildings in downtown Victoria and Christmas music playing in every lobby. Arthur tried to work up some Christmas spirit of his own to match that of his colleagues, but he found that thinking about the holiday too much made him mostly homesick. 

He and Merlin had given up communicating in real time, but Arthur woke up each morning to random thoughts from Merlin’s day and texted him on and off through the day when he knew Merlin was sleeping. Arthur sent a photo of the huge Christmas tree in the lobby with “Ours is decorated better” and Merlin sent a photo of a hideous Christmas Elf decoration with the caption “Reminds me of you”. Arthur sent a photo from his seat in the boardroom with “My view for the next ten hours” and Merlin sent a photo of a stack of graded papers with “DONE FOR THE TERM! Hope the meetings are going well!” When Arthur woke the next morning, he texted back “Swimmingly. So close to being done. How hungover are you?” and then sat up quickly in bed when he got a message back right away: “Still drinking”. 

He checked his watch and saw that it was approaching midnight at home but that he had a little time before he had to be up, so he rang through with a video chat and immediately connected.

“Merlin?” he said, voice still rough with sleep. The screen was dark and noise was pouring out of the phone, so Merlin must have gone out to the pub. Suddenly the angle shifted and Merlin’s face was just visible in the dim light.

“Christ Arthur, put some clothes on! Think you’ve just scarred Freya for life.” 

Arthur had forgotten that he was sitting on the bed in nothing but boxers, but he just grinned helplessly at Merlin. He could feel something loosen in his chest at the sight of the man, ridiculous and drunk though he was. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it,” Arthur smirked, stretching out on his stomach and propping the phone in front of him. 

Merlin was staring at him intently but his brow furrowed, “Can’t hear you … let me try to—”

“Is that your new boyfriend?!” another drunken voice squealed before appearing over Merlin’s shoulder. Arthur recognized her as Elena, another of Merlin’s colleagues at the school. 

“Oh shit,” she said, jaw dropping. “That’s Arthur isn’t it. Is he naked? Oh my god are you FINALLY shagging him?”

By this point the screen had flipped to the ceiling and Arthur could tell that Merlin was moving away from Elena, though he did hear a “Shut _up_ , you cow!” and laughter before the noise of the pub died down as Merlin found a quiet corner. His face reappeared on the screen looking a bit frantic.

“I’m sorry about that, ignore her! She doesn’t know what she’s … anyway. You look good! I mean – it’s good to see you! Er -- how is the trip going?” 

Arthur was trying not to laugh at Merlin’s distress, but couldn’t keep a fond smile from his lips. 

“Things are going well. The last of the meetings are today and then it’s just some socializing and dinners over the weekend.” 

“Oh good,” Merlin enthused, his eyes too bright. “That’s good! Things are going well here.” 

“Yes, I can see that,” Arthur said wryly. “But what are you going to do when you get home, without me there to make you drink water and take paracetamol?” 

Merlin opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again quickly. Arthur checked his watch again and groaned. 

“I’m sorry, I need to go – please behave yourself tonight. Maybe I can catch you for a video chat later?” 

Merlin was swaying a little and appeared to be fiddling with his phone, probably turning up the volume.

“Merlin?”

“What? Oh – sorry. Um, yes, I’ll behave –”

“No he won’t!” came a merry voice that Arthur was sure was Gwen, although Merlin batted her away before he could glimpse her. 

“Shut up,” Merlin hissed, then turned back to Arthur brightly. “Yes, video chat later – call me when you’re back in for the night? I’ll be home tomorrow.”

Arthur had pushed himself back up on the bed and heard someone wolf-whistle in the background. On screen, Merlin valiantly tried to keep a straight face but was definitely turning pink. 

“Sounds good. Good night, Merlin,” Arthur winked at him and then signed off the call before the gaggle of women could descend to harass Merlin for the rest of the night. Arthur grinned to himself and headed off to the shower.

~ ❅ ~

Fifteen hours later found Arthur staggering back into the hotel room pissed out of his mind. It seemed like the whole Hong Kong office had come out to the dinner celebrating the end of the series of meetings. The investors were happy and absolutely everyone wanted to buy Arthur a drink. Of course it would be considered extremely rude for him to refuse, hence his severe state of inebriation. 

He staggered to the desk to retrieve his laptop, cursing as he tripped and almost smashed it into a million pieces. He managed to get the cursed thing powered on and went to the loo while it was booting up. He was feeling overheated so he stripped down to his boxers, turned off the lights and flopped into bed next to the glow of the laptop. As he dragged the duvet over him, he swiped at the screen until he had opened the video chat application. While he was still frowning at his contact list and trying to set his status, a call from Merlin rang through and he quickly accepted it. 

“Merlin!” he greeted him happily, then immediately frowned. “What are you wearing. Why are you wearing that?”

Merlin, who appeared to be sitting at the kitchen table with a pile of paperwork, looked up with a grin.

“Hello to you too! God, please tell me I wasn’t this bad last night,” he said as he rested his chin in his hand. 

He was wearing the black polo that he always wore on first dates -- the fit accentuated his shoulders and was tight enough across his chest and stomach to show off his lean, muscled frame. The sight of it now filled Arthur with an uncomfortable mix of rage, sorrow, and horniness. Luckily the rage was currently winning out. 

“ _Mer_ lin,” Arthur asked, letting his voice go dangerously low. “Why are you wearing the date shirt?’ 

Merlin grinned cheekily at him, “I’m going on a date?” 

Arthur propped up on his elbow and stared at the screen intently. “With who?”

“With _whom_ , Arthur,” Merlin scolded, turning back to his paperwork with a smirk. 

To Arthur’s horror, he suddenly found his throat closing up and his eyes prickling. Merlin glanced up and Arthur was sure his face was giving everything away because he hurried to say, “With the girls! Freya and Gwen and Elena! We’re going to dinner to celebrate the end of term. God Arthur, do you think --” Merlin cut himself off shaking his head. “You’re an idiot.”

Arthur flopped back onto the bed and rubbed his eyes with a groan, “Merlin, I’m completely pissed, can you please stop being so-” 

_Sexy,_ his mind helpfully supplied.

“-- Irritating.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “caveman” before returning his gaze to the screen. Arthur had curled onto his side with the laptop propped in front of him, it’s glow the only light in the room. 

“You look cozy,” Merlin said wistfully. “Is the bed as comfy as it looks?” 

“Yeah. But I haven’t been sleeping well,” he stretched onto his back with an arm propped under his head and sighed, letting one hand trail idly back and forth across his chest. “I think I’m a bit homesick.” 

There was a pause that stretched out long enough that Arthur thought the call had dropped, but he looked over to see Merlin with a carefully blank face. Arthur frowned.“What?”

“What?” Merlin repeated.

“Merlin?” Arthur rolled to peer closer at the screen, “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Merlin squeaked. “It’s just … nevermind. I’ll tell you when you get back.”

A timer went off in the background and Merlin hopped up mumbling something about biscuits and _fuck_ , he was wearing those tight jeans that made his arse look amazing. When he was sure that Merlin was out of view, he rolled onto his back and again and let his hand trail down to where his cock was starting to fill out in his boxers. He trailed just the tips of his fingers down the length and imagined peeling those jeans off Merlin’s writhing body, brushing his nipples through the tight fabric of that polo and --

“Sorry! They’re cooling now,” Merlin appeared in front of him again, looking more composed and keeping his eyes trained on the papers in front of him. 

Arthur bit back a whimper but let his hand trail back up and rest on his stomach. He just watched Merlin in silence for a while until he looked up and his face instantly softened. 

“Are you okay though, really?” Merlin asked softly.

Arthur thought about the question and honestly had no idea anymore. 

“I think so,” he said instead, rolling onto his stomach and trying not to grind down into the mattress. “I’m just ready to be home.”

Merlin smiled sweetly at the table, “I’m ready for you to be home too.”

Arthur yawned hugely and pushed his arms up under the pillows. 

“Should probably go to sleep soon. It’s late here.”

Merlin hummed in agreement then looked up hesitantly. “If you want, we could … keep the connection open for a while? Only you said you’ve had trouble sleeping so I thought that maybe if I, you know -- kept you company for a bit? That it would help with--” 

“Yes,” Arthur said, closing his eyes and trying not to drown in the surge of affection that overcame him. “I’d like that.” 

Merlin grinned at him, “But first -- go drink a glass of water and take--”

“Two paracetamol,” groaned Arthur, pushing himself off the bed, “Yes, yes, off I go.” 

He staggered to the en suite, belated realizing that he’d probably given Merlin a show when he got out of bed, but decided not to worry about it. He found the pills, drank a glass of water, and pissed one more time for good measure before returning to the bed, flicking off the lamp as he went. He wrapped the blanket around him, nestled into the pillow and gave Merlin a sleepy smile. Merlin had that unreadable expression on his face again, but Arthur just sighed and wished him goodnight. 

“Goodnight,” Merlin replied softly. “Sweet dreams.” 

Arthur passed out in less than a minute. 

When he awoke, he was surprised to see that the video chat window was still open. He squinted at it blearily and realized Merlin was in bed now, mirroring his position. When he stirred to check his watch -- midnight in London -- Merlin’s eyes drifted open and he smiled at Arthur so dreamily that Arthur thought his heart would burst with it. His hand drifted to the screen and he brushed a finger over Merlin’s cheek, wishing that he was there in person to touch. 

“Good morning,” Merlin murmured.

“Morning,” Arthur replied, drinking in the sight of Merlin soft and sleep rumpled. “I have a half hour before I meet the group for breakfast so I’m going to log off but … thank you. You didn’t have to stay on all night.”

“Did you sleep well? I was out for a while with the girls so I was hoping you weren’t restless.”

“Best night’s sleep I’ve had in a week,” Arthur replied, rubbing a hand over his face to hide the emotion he was sure was on display. 

“Good,” Merlin said sleepily, letting his eyes drift shut again. 

“Sleep well,” Arthur murmured, then watched until Merlin’s breathing evened out and his face went slack before logging off. He rolled onto his back and blew out a long, gusty sigh. He just had to get through this last day and a half and then he could leave this in-between place and hopefully have a new beginning with Merlin. The thought was enough to propel him out of bed to face the day. 

~ ❅ ~

As packed and stressful as his schedule for the week had been, at least it had made the time go by quickly. Now that nothing but cultural visits and social engagements and last minute questions stood between him and home, the hours seemed to drag out unbearably. He had hoped that he might be able to catch Merlin again, but he seemed to be busy with last minute Christmas preparations. 

At long last, Arthur was dropped off at the airport and felt like he could take a breath for the first time in a week. Later, as his plane for home finally lifted off, a buzz of excitement and nerves settled in Arthur’s stomach. He knew that despite everything that had been going on, things between him and Merlin were far from settled. He was trying hard not to think about what would come next if Merlin wasn’t on the same page as him. But another feeling -- the of joy of heading home to someone special instead of just a temporary girlfriend or an empty flat – was bubbling up inside him and combating the nerves. Arthur remembered the sensation of Merlin’s lips under his and of how it had felt to be wrapped up safe in his arms and couldn’t stop a smile from curling up the corners of his mouth. 

Thirteen odd hours later, a little after four in the morning, Arthur spilled into their flat tugging his luggage behind him and doing his best to keep quiet. His body was telling him it was midday and his plan had been to push through the day, talk to Merlin, make a brief appearance at Morgana’s party and preferably shag Merlin until he passed out. Unfortunately, he hadn’t slept well on the plane and now he found exhaustion was winning out. He walked quietly down the dark hallway, past Merlin’s closed door and pushed into his own room. Without bothering to turn on a light, he stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed only to be met with a warm body. A bit of a yelp escaped him before his brain could catch up.

“Merlin?” he whispered. 

“Oh buggering fuck,” Merlin popped up in the bed, voice raspy with sleep. “Arthur! Shit, I’m sorry, I was waiting up for you and I must have fallen asleep.”

“S’Fine,” Arthur said, crawling in between Merlin and the wall. “God, I’m fucking knackered.” 

He briefly thought about how much he’d like to roll over onto Merlin and snog him senseless, but the bed was so comfortable and Merlin’s sleep-warm body nearby was so soothing. 

After a moment of blissful silence, Arthur realized that Merlin was still sitting up, with uncertainty in every line of his body. Arthur rolled his eyes in the dark and grabbed for Merlin’s arm. 

“Stay,” he commanded, the tucked Merlin’s back neatly up against his chest and curled his body around him. Merlin froze for a moment, but eventually his body went slack against Arthur’s. 

“I told you, _I’m_ the big spoon,” Merlin whispered after a moment, and Arthur could hear the grin in his voice.

“I grew while I was away,” Arthur whispered back, just to feel Merlin’s body shake with laughter against him. Arthur held him tight, feeling light and utterly content. He could feel sleep pulling him under, and before it did he leaned forward and let his lips brush over the nape of Merlin's neck. Merlin gave a sigh so soft that as Arthur drifted to sleep he wasn't sure he hadn't imagined it. 

~ ❅ ~

He had a vague memory of waking later as Merlin slipped out of the bed and making a vague noise of dissatisfaction. The mattress dipped then Merlin’s warm hand brushed his fringe back and his warmer lips pressed to his forehead. 

“It’s still early. Go back to sleep.” 

He meant to sit up and tell Merlin that no, he couldn’t go back to sleep because they needed to talk before the party, but the hand kept stroking his hair and the bed was so comfortable and warm, so he drifted back to sleep. 

When he woke for the second time, it was with the feeling of having overslept and being out of sync with time. _Shit_. Had he missed the party? He scrabbled around, trying to remember where he had put his phone last night, then spotted it plugged into his usual charging spot with a post-it note stuck to the top. He grinned and reached for the note.

_Arthur-_

_Welcome home, since I didn’t say it last night! Gwen told Morgana she’d help with set-up for the party and somehow that included me, so I had to leave early. I was going to wake you up but you were sleeping so peacefully that I would have felt like a monster. Hope you slept well -- see you tonight._

_-M x_

Arthur checked his phone and saw that it was already seven, so though the party had already technically started, if he knew Morgana’s parties he still had plenty of time to make a fashionably late entrance. He launched himself out of bed and into the shower. He paused for a moment to inhale several of Merlin's biscuits and within half an hour was reasonably groomed, feeling semi-human and waiting at the kerb for his Uber. 

Once he was settled in the car and had responded to Morgan's irritated texts about his absence, doubts started to creep in. He had intended to talk to Merlin before this party so that their first time together since everything that had happened would be in private rather than at an event with their entire friend group and half of London besides. They weren't a couple, so how should Arthur act? He didn't want to come on too strong and Christ, none of his friends even knew that he fancied men. But he didn't want to avoid Merlin either, lest he get the wrong idea about their kiss and whatever half-asleep cuddling had happened last night. 

As the car approached, Arthur decided that for tonight he would take Merlin's lead to start and hope that they got a private moment to talk either during the party or right after. Arthur's blood hummed with excitement, knowing that after tonight everything would be out in the open and knowing there was a possibility that Merlin might be his for good. Letting that thought shore him up, Arthur took a deep breath and stepped into the lift that would bring him up to Morgana’s penthouse. Apparently the party was already in full swing because he could hear it before the lift doors even opened. He had hoped to make an under-the-radar entrance, but the second he slipped through the door Morgana appeared in front of him, wearing a gauzy ivory dress and a severe expression. 

“Two hours late,” she scolded before he had even handed his coat to a doorman. 

“Listen, I was halfway around the world less than 24 hours ago, I think I get a pass to come a bit late.”

Morgana rolled her eyes, “Well, someone’s been waiting for you, so you’d better get in there.”

Arthur frowned, trying to think which of the women his father had been trying to set him up with might be attending the party. “Who?”

Morgana gave him a withering look and grabbed his shoulders, spinning him around and facing him into the lounge. Directly in his line of vision was Merlin, sitting on a stool and chatting animatedly to Gwen and Freya. Arthur noticed two things right away. First, that Merlin was grinning with a content and self-assured energy that radiated off of him clearly enough for anyone to see. The second was that he was wearing the date shirt. 

Arthur’s mouth went dry and a cold sweat broke out on the nape of his neck. He looked back at Morgana who just smirked knowingly at him and nodded to Gwen. Gwen had spotted Arthur and Morgana and bit her lip guilty. Arthur suddenly wondered if everyone in the party knew what was going on between him and Merlin and felt heat rise in his chest. Talking to Merlin about this was one thing, but having it all be public knowledge … Arthur didn’t think he was ready for that yet, but it was too late because Merlin had spotted him and was bounding toward him like an over-excited retriever. 

We he got near and raised his arms to go in for a hug, Arthur took a brisk step forward with his hand extended, grabbed Merlin’s hand and shook it firmly. 

“Merlin!” he tried to inject as much enthusiasm as he could into the greeting but faltered when a flash of hurt crossed Merlin’s face before he carefully schooled his features blank. He tried lamely to make up for his idiocy by patting Merlin fondly on the back. 

Merlin gave him a small forced smile. “Nice to see you looking more alive than you were last night.” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, the color drained from his face . Morgana snorted loudly from behind Arthur and Merlin started stammering. “I mean -- when you got in last night you seemed quite tired -- I didn’t -- er, I think I need another drink.” 

After Merlin fled, Gwen following close on his heels, Morgana slapped Arthur in the side of the head, hard. 

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?”

“You’re a bloody fucking idiot, Arthur Pendragon,” Morgana said, sounding genuinely upset. She grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing server and stalked back into the party. 

Arthur thought about just slipping back out the door and heading home, considering the disaster this party had already been, but before he could make a run for it Percy and Leon waved him over with loud greetings and inquires about how the trip had been. Before he knew it, they had moved into the sitting room and were trading stories about business trip mishaps and laughing. Arthur relaxed, thinking that maybe he hadn’t fucked up too badly. He still had time to seek out Merlin and apologize, explain that he had frozen up, and try to make things right. He got dragged into a game of pool with Leon, Percy and Elyan and after being beaten soundly begging off another game and started scanning the party for Merlin. 

He had gone through several rooms with no luck, but as he was scanning the vast open dining room, he did a double-take when he spotted a familiar face. A handsome man with longish brown hair and a cocky grin was facing him, speaking animatedly. Arthur reached back in his memory to pull out the name -- Gwaine. Gwaine had the dubious honor of being the first and last man that Arthur had attempted to actually date before he realized that what he really wanted was Merlin. The man had been a terrible flirt but an enthusiastic and patient lover, and Arthur had felt genuinely bad for breaking things off when he did. But what in the bloody fuck was he doing _here_ at Morgana’s party? And worse, what was he telling everyone about Arthur? He had to find Merlin before Gwaine somehow wound up -- Arthur froze as Gwaine let out a great laugh and the man he was talking to turned enough for Arthur to recognize his profile. 

A trickle of panic slipped down Arthur’s spine. _Fuck_ how long had Merlin been talking to Gwaine? Had they figured out yet that they had Arthur in common? 

Arthur was just working up to a proper panic when Gwaine reached out and gently ran his fingers along Merlin’s forearm, letting them rest there as he spoke earnestly. 

Of course. The date shirt. Arthur had read this all wrong – Merlin wasn’t waiting around for Arthur, he was on the pull. And if Arthur remembered anything about Gwaine it was that he was a terrific slag and would happily take Merlin home tonight. God, Arthur had been so stupid, coming here thinking that he would – what? Make some declaration to Merlin and live happily ever after? What an idiot. How could he possibly think that some pathetic pre-teen cuddling on the sofa and sexual crises could somehow translate into a relationship when here was Gwaine, oozing sex and knowing exactly what he wanted. 

Arthur felt his throat tighten. He had to get out of here. He spun to head toward the door and ran directly into a smug face. Mordred. 

“Shagging him then, are you?” Mordred drawled, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. “Or are you too chivalrous for that?” 

“Fuck off,” Arthur growled, drawing up to his full height. 

Mordred just laughed, “I’ll take that as a no then. Always knew you were an idiot.” 

“You’re the one that let Merlin go, I’d say you’re the bigger idiot,” Arthur said, eyes scanning the room. He clenched his teeth when he saw Gwaine’s hand still resting on Merlin’s arm. 

Mordred smiled almost wistfully, taking a step forward into Arthur’s space. “You might be right on that one. But he’s far too good for the likes of you.” 

Arthur was trying hard to control himself but could feel his anger rising, seeping in at the corners of his vision. “You think I don’t know that?” he spat. 

Mordred looked nonplussed, but quickly got his features back under control. “Yes, well. Lucky for him you’re too much of a coward to ever –” 

Arthur’s right hook connected beautifully and sent Mordred stumbling back into the wall. He had a vague feeling that it was the first good decision he’d made all day -- until he heard the gasps and a horrible silence fell over the party. 

He glanced up to see Morgana looking murderous and promptly turned tail to flee. He didn’t even stop to retrieve his coat, just barged out the door and down the staircase. He thought vaguely that there were voices calling after him but he didn’t stop to find out. 

By the time he hit the street and hailed a cab, the adrenaline had worn off and he was shaking badly. Almost immediately his mobile started buzzing and Morgana's name flashed on the screen. He swiped to decline the call and then powered the mobile off for good measure. He buried his head in his hands and kept it there for the rest of the drive. 

He didn’t bother turning on any lights once he was in the flat, just wandered over to the sofa and sat in the dark. In the dim streetlight he gazed around the little flat that told the story of he and Merlin’s life together. Merlin’s books mixed with his on the bookshelf in the corner, their trainers tangled together near the front door, the chocolate biscuits Merlin had baked wrapped carefully on one of the rose-patterned plates that Arthur’s mother had picked out when she was a young bride. Everything was already so beautifully intertwined, and he had been so close to making it real. But the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach told him what he already knew – he had fucked up tonight. Maybe even beyond repair. Would Merlin move out? He hunched forward and buried his face in his hands again, unable to even imagine what that would do to him. 

He had no idea how long he had sat there when he heard a key turn in the lock then someone carefully step in and lock the door behind them. Arthur listened to the achingly familiar sounds of Merlin taking off his shoes and coat, throwing his keys and phone onto the table and making his way to the sitting room. When he stopped in front of the sofa, Arthur finally looked up. Merlin held up Arthur’s coat.

“Forgot this,” he said dryly, tossing it onto the armchair. When Arthur muttered a thanks and returned his head to his hands, Merlin sighed and sank down onto the sofa beside him. Something twisted painfully in Arthur’s chest when he carefully kept his distance.

They sat together in the darkness, listening to city sounds drift up from the street. Arthur could hear Merlin’s breaths and wanted desperately to curl himself into his side and forget that this entire night ever happened, but he wasn’t sure he’d be welcome anymore. The silence stretched on until finally Arthur shifted to straighten up, keeping his gaze straight ahead. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I … I know I’ve cocked everything up tonight.” 

Merlin was quiet for a long time. Arthur didn’t dare look at him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Merlin finally spoke softly from beside him. 

Arthur’s heart pounded. 

“About what?”

“That you’re -- that you were dating men.”

There was another pause as Arthur considered the question seriously. “I was …I thought you’d laugh at me.” 

“Why would you think that,” Merlin’s voice was sharp. Arthur shrugged miserably. 

“I don’t know. It just felt very … it was confusing and I wasn’t sure what I wanted and I just … needed some time to get used to the idea.”

“And?” Merlin asked after a moment of silence.

“And what?”

“Did you? Get used to it?” Merlin’s voice sounded carefully neutral. 

Arthur rubbed a hand over his face and wished he knew what the hell was happening in this conversation. “I’m not sure what you’re asking, exactly? I’m definitely attracted to men. But I stopped casually dating. It wasn’t what I was looking for.”

“Oh,” Merlin said.

Arthur looked over at Merlin for the first time since he’d sat down and couldn’t make out his expression in the dark. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Merlin sighed and turned to angle his body toward Arthur’s, the pressure of his knee against Arthur’s hip a welcome reassurance. 

“You don’t have to be sorry for that. It’s none of my business, I just wish,” he paused, shoving a hand into his hair and sighing. “It would have made it easier? These last couple of weeks … if I had known that.”

Arthur’s insides coiled tightly at the first overt mention of what had been happening between them. 

Merlin picked at a loose thread on his trousers and continued haltingly. “It’s just … well, at first I thought you were just trying to comfort me? But then I thought that maybe you were … interested? Or experimenting? And I just,” Merlin’s swallow sounded loud in the dark flat. “I wasn’t sure if it -- well, if it meant anything. I guess I'm still not.” 

Arthur knew it was as close as either of them would probably get to asking, and that this would be his only chance to fix the mess he had made of this evening. He silently stood up from the sofa and felt Merlin’s eyes trail him across the room. Arthur bent down to plug in the lights on their Christmas tree, then sat back on his haunches for a moment to admire the pinkish glow of the soft, multi-colored lights and savor this moment of anticipation. A calm settled over him as he stood up and turned around in time to see Merlin’s eyes dart away from him and back to his lap. He moved back to the couch, facing Merlin and crowding in close. 

“It meant something to me,” he whispered, not wanting his voice to break the electricity in the air. He felt Merlin’s body tense and continued, a bit uncertain, “Did it for you?”

Merlin nodded into his lap, and when Arthur ducked his head to try to catch his eyes, he saw a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He brought one hand up to cup Merlin’s cheek, his finger stroking across one beautiful cheekbone, and then he leaned in to kiss him. 

The kiss was soft and gentle, but full of intent. Arthur’s entire body buzzed with a breathless warmth as he pulled back to study Merlin’s face. His eyes were closed, dark lashes shadowed against his cheek and breaths coming shallowly. Arthur stayed close, brushed his nose against Merlin’s and tipped his head for another kiss. This time, Arthur lingered, capturing Merlin’s lower lip and applying the barest amount of suction. Merlin gasped as if he'd been holding his breath, whimpered on an exhale and lunged forward, fisting his hands into Arthur’s button-down and pressing their mouths together desperately. Arthur felt something in his chest swell as their mouths slid together, and he wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist to hold him close. Merlin's tongue dragged hotly against Arthur's lower lip, asking permission which Arthur readily gave. At the first tentative touch of Merlin's tongue to his, Arthur let out a strangled moan and gave into the long-held desire to pull Merlin into his lap. Merlin came willingly, scrambling to straddle him without breaking the kiss. After his squirming weight settled into Arthur's lap they lost long minutes giving in to each other at last, hands roaming unhurriedly and mouths moving together softly. 

Arthur's brain was blissfully offline, his body awash with a prickly heat and wanting. He could feel his cock straining against the zip of his trousers and followed the instinct to slide his hands under the fabric of Merlin's polo to brush the deliciously bare skin of his back while grinding up slightly, desperate for whatever bit of friction he could get. Merlin gave a muffled hum and twisted his mouth out of the kiss, keeping his forehead pressed to Arthur's as he turned his head and gasped, "Wait."

Arthur immediately retrieved his hands and pushed back a bit to give him some space, feeling dizzy with confusion. 

"Sorry," he said, still a little breathless, "I'm so sorry-- if I've-- if this isn't what you want, we can--" 

"Arthur," Merlin cut him off, cradling Arthur’s face in his hands and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Shut up for a minute, you berk."

Arthur huffed a laugh but peered up at him uncertainly. 

Merlin gave a soft sigh and caressed his cheeks with his thumbs, leaning in for one more taste of his mouth before sitting back. 

"This is exactly what I want,” Merlin said quietly, eyes flicking to meet Arthur’s and then away again. “But I just want to make sure that …” he chewed on his lip for a moment and then met Arthur’s eyes defiantly. “I can’t do _this_ and then not talk about it. I won’t be anyone’s dirty secret. So if that’s what you’re after…”

Arthur reached up and pulled Merlin’s hands from his face, pressed a kiss into his knuckles and then clasped them between them. 

“Merlin,” he said, meeting his eyes earnestly. “All I’m after is you.”

Merlin’s brow furrowed and he started to pull his hands away but Arthur clutched them tighter. “No, you’ve got me wrong, I mean. God, Merlin,” Arthur let out a helpless laugh. “I’ll start all over if you want, I’ll take you on dates … I’ll kiss your cheek, I’ll hold your fucking hand in public-- _Merlin_ ,” he insisted, chasing eye contact as Merlin turned his head away. “I’m not taking the piss. I’m just. God, I’m gone on you. Please. I know I fucked up tonight at the party but I want--” Arthur swallowed. “I want to keep doing what we’ve been doing for the last decade, but with _this_ too. I -- I want to build a life with you. If you'll have me.” 

Merlin’s tugged his hands free of Arthur’s and covered his face with them. Arthur wrapped his arms completely around him and pulled him tight to his chest, resting his cheek against the side of his head. 

“Please say yes,” he whispered into Merlin’s hair. 

Merlin made a broken noise and then he was kissing Arthur fiercely, gripping his biceps so hard that he was sure he’d have bruises in the morning. He kissed with his whole body, pressing Arthur back into the sofa so completely that his head was tilted back as he did his best to kiss back. 

“Arthur,” Merlin gasped between kisses, sounding utterly wrecked. “Arthur. _Arthur_. God, I--” he interrupted himself to kiss Arthur hard. Arthur, pretty sure that that was a yes, took the opportunity to shove his hands back up Merlin’s shirt and run his palms against Merlin’s warm back. Merlin released his arms in favor of unbuttoning Arthur’s shirt with alarming speed and pushing it off his shoulders. He wrestled Arthur out of his vest and reached around to grab the collar of his date shirt and yank it off. 

“Burn it,” Arthur told him as he was manhandled onto his back. “You don’t need it anymore.”

“Shut up,” Merlin said, pushing Arthur down and covering his body with his own. “You said you'd take me on a date.” 

Arthur hummed happily, as much at the thought of taking Merlin on a date as the feel of their bare skin pressed together. Merlin braced himself up on his forearms so he could grind against him while sucking kisses into his jawline and down his neck and _fuck_ that was good. 

"Merlin," he got out on a groan, one hand tugging at his own hair and one gripping Merlin's arse, "Oh god -- can I take you to bed?"

Merlin broke off from where he was sucking a mark into the juncture of Arthur's shoulder and neck and panted into his skin, "Yeah, alright."

Arthur pushed Merlin up and herded him down the hall to his room. He felt light-headed at the fact that he was following a bare-chested Merlin -- who _wanted_ him -- to his bedroom, presumably to make him come so hard that he’d forget his name. As if he could hear his thoughts, Merlin looked over his shoulder and grinned. 

Arthur didn't bother turning on a light, just pulled Merlin into another searing kiss and reached down to fumble with his belt. Merlin followed suit and soon they were stripped of their remaining clothing and tumbling onto the bed. Every point of contact with Merlin's bare skin was intoxicating as they laid on their sides, twined together and kissing with focus. Arthur realized with a squeeze of his heart that Merlin was letting him take the lead -- not pushing for anything beyond what Arthur initiated -- which only made Arthur kiss him harder. He let one hand wander across Merlin's hip to slide over his arse. Merlin sighed and arched into the touch with clear invitation. 

A tiny wave panic rose up in Arthur’s chest and he withdrew his hand, caught between the wanting and the apprehension. For all the traded hand-jobs in pub stalls and Gwaine’s blow job coaching, he’d never quite worked up the intimacy with someone for this next step -- a fact he wasn’t exactly keen to spring on Merlin at the moment. But before Arthur even had time to process, Merlin broke off the kiss and pressed his forehead to Arthur’s. 

“We don’t have to do anything tonight that you don’t want to do, okay?” 

Arthur was grateful that Merlin couldn’t see his face in the dark of the room, because what he _wanted_ to do was to sink into the earth with embarrassment that Merlin had immediately read his mind. Merlin gently pushed him onto his back and climbed onto him, spreading his legs wide and bending close to suck Arthur’s lower lip into his mouth.

“That’s only for tonight, mind,” He rolled his hips hard, pushing his cock into Arthur’s and shivering at the friction. “Because once you’re ready I _do_ plan on having this cock in me.” He reached down to run his thumb lightly up the underside Arthur’s shaft, humming and pressing wet kisses into his neck. Arthur, still too embarrassed to speak but turned on beyond belief, could only bury his hands in Merlin’s hair and pull him back down into a kiss. 

“God, Arthur,” Merlin panted into his mouth. He pinned one of Arthur’s hands above his head and twined his fingers with the other, tugging it to his mouth for a kiss and then guiding it back to rest on his arse again. He moved his lips to Arthur’s, close enough to touch but not kissing. When he spoke, his voice was deeper than Arthur had ever heard it.

“Do you have _any_ idea how hot it’s going to be, teaching you how to fuck me?”

The words went straight to Arthur’s cock and he bucked up, using his pinned hand to yank Merlin closer and then reaching around to grope at Merlin’s arse. The tips of his fingers brushed the tight clench of muscle, and Merlin writhed, leaking glistening precome onto Arthur’s chest. Arthur took advantage of this moment of distraction to flip Merlin onto his back and settled between his legs, intent on shutting him up by whatever means necessary before this was over embarrassingly quickly. 

Once settled on his stomach, Arthur nudged Merlin’s legs onto his shoulders and took a minute to kiss and lick at his inner thighs, his hands resting on the shuddering plane of Merlin’s stomach. He moved his mouth slowly but steadily toward its target while one hand drifted up to roll a nipple between his fingers and the other stroked the trail of hair leading to Merlin’s cock. By the time Arthur reached the crease of Merlin’s groin, Merlin’s breaths were coming in whimpers. He took a moment to inhale deeply, savoring the heady scent of Merlin’s arousal, before he brought a hand around to grasp firmly at the base of his cock and wrapped his lips around the head. 

Merlin cried out and Arthur was grateful that most of the neighbors were already gone for the holiday as he set to work sucking Merlin’s cock properly. In this area, at least, he was confident about his skills and could hopefully disabuse any blushing gay virgin notions Merlin may have gotten. Judging by the noises he was making, Arthur thought as he broke off to suck at Merlin’s sac and returned to licking up the length, the point had been taken.

Arthur left off his stroking and pushed up with his shoulders until he was at an angle to slide his cock deeper into his mouth. The position also left his thumbs free to stroke either side of Merlin’s entrance and pull his cheeks apart until he was fully exposed -- the noise Merlin made left Arthur pausing momentarily to grind his cock into the sheets, dangerously close to coming. He decided that there’d be time to drag things out later, but for now he got his hand back on Merlin’s cock and with a twist on each upstroke, set about taking him apart. He slid his tongue along the underside of Merlin’s cock and wrapped it around the head on each pass as Merlin steadily leaked precome and gasped Arthur’s name over and over in tones that sounded increasingly like begging. Finally, aware that Merlin was tapping his arm in a silent warning, Arthur took in his cock in as far as he could, nose pressed to the curls of his pubic hair and swallowed hard. Merlin’s entire body went taut as a bow and he started coming with a strangled gasp. 

Arthur stayed with him through it, swallowing down what seemed like an impossible volume, but as soon as Merlin’s body collapsed limply onto the mattress, he was up and crouched over Merlin, one hand braced by his head and one working his cock furiously. Merlin batted his hand away and took over, matching the rhythm Arthur had started. Arthur bracketed both arms around Merlin’s head and pressed his face to Merlin’s. He tried to kiss him, but Merlin’s hand on his cock was demanding all his attention and all he managed was his cheek rested against Merlin's, mouth hanging open and brow furrowed. 

“Arthur,” Merlin coaxed in that impossibly deep voice again. 

“God, Merlin -- ahh -- oh, fuck--” he could feel heat rising in his body, his bollocks drawing up tighter to his body as Merlin pulled the orgasm out of him. He was so close, he just needed--

“ _Please_ Arthur, fuck … want you to come all over me--”

Arthur’s entire body jerked and he gasped loudly, coming in thick spurts that covered Merlin’s stomach. He felt light-headed and his vision blurred at the edges, but he leaned forward to capture Merlin’s lips in a fierce kiss then collapsed bonelessly on top of him. 

Merlin laughed breathlessly and pushed at his shoulders.

"Get off, you fucking oaf!"

"Just did," Arthur grinned and squirmed harder, spreading the mess between them.

He could practically hear the eye roll in Merlin's voice. "Yes, very clever. Now go get us a bloody flannel before we're stuck together for good." 

Arthur ducked in for one more kiss before trotting off obediently. When he returned, he gave them a perfunctory wipe down then slid back into bed and wrapped his arms around Merlin with a contented sigh. 

“If I wake up and this is all a dream, I’m going to be so pissed off,” Merlin commented then yawned into Arthur’s bicep. “Sorry -- didn’t get much sleep last night and today has just been ...” he huffed a laugh.

“Good?” Arthur suggested tentatively.

“Well, it started good and it ended very, very good, but I could have skipped feeling like I was going to puke all day and getting the brush off and watching you punch my ex.”

Arthur winced. “The Met hasn’t shown up, so I’m assuming he’s not going to press charges?”

“Mordred? Nah, he’d never risk his reputation. Just stormed out with Will. I turned off my mobile on the way home, but I’m sure I’ll hear about it," Merlin paused for a breath and then continued more tentatively, "What did he say to you anyway?" 

"He asked me if we were shagging and then …" Arthur sighed. "He called me a coward." 

There was a long moment of silence where Arthur felt ashamed and hoped Merlin wasn't judging him harshly and then Merlin’s body began to shake. For one horrified second, Arthur thought that he was crying, but then a giggle escaped and he realized that Merlin was _laughing._

“What is it?” Arthur scowled, “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just … I went over to see if he was okay after you left and he said ‘you’re welcome'. I didn’t know what the hell he was on about and then he left without explaining, but,” he chuckled again, then cottoned on to Arthur's wary tenseness. "No, don’t be like that, love. He knew how I felt, so he was just goading you.”

Arthur felt sulky and prickly again at the thought that he was so transparent to everyone but himself, so easily manipulated. Still, he gave an involuntary shiver at the sound of the endearment falling so naturally from Merlin’s lips. Merlin ran one hand through his hair, placating, and Arthur let himself be pet. 

“God, that’s probably the nicest thing the bastard has ever done for me,” Merlin said, stroking meditatively. “I should send him a fruit basket.”

“Why did you stay with him? If he was such a bastard? I never understood.”

Merlin's hand stilled and the quiet stretched out for so long that Arthur wondered if he had fallen asleep, but at length he spoke softly into the dark, “I was in love with you and I didn’t want to be. It was driving me mad -- I was afraid I’d have to move out if I wasn't with Mordred because I thought I couldn’t stand to be so close but not have you. It hurt too much.” Arthur couldn’t help interrupting him with a series of soft kisses when his voice trembled, threatening to break. 

"You're tired," he whispered. "We'll talk more in the morning, okay?" 

Merlin nodded and tucked his face into Arthur's neck. He fell asleep with the speed of the truly exhausted, but as Arthur had slept most of the day and was feeling wide-awake and restless, turning all the events of the last twenty-four hours over and over again in his head. His body wanted to get up and go for a run, work off some of the shame and euphoria, but he forced himself to stay where he was and enjoy the precious gift that was Merlin snoring peacefully in his arms.

~ ❅ ~

At some point he must have dozed, because he awoke to the hazy grey of the Christmas Eve morning. For a moment he was disoriented, but then he looked down to see Merlin still curled into his arms and it all came rushing back to him. He grinned fondly at the top of Merlin’s head and rested his cheek against the mop of unruly black curls, letting the happiness well up in his chest and spread warmth down his limbs. Merlin seemed soundly asleep, and Arthur felt a stab of guilt for being an idiot and putting him through all the stress and uncertainty that had clearly wiped him out. 

What he really wanted was to laze in bed until Merlin woke up and then crawl under the blankets to make him come again in broad daylight where he could see it properly, but instead he slid gently out from Merlin’s embrace, made a stop at the loo to take care of his bladder and clean his teeth, and headed to the kitchen to start some tea. 

They hadn’t discussed it yet, but Arthur knew that every year Merlin left for Ealdor early the morning after Morgana’s party, usually completely hungover and rushing to pack in a whirlwind around the apartment. Merlin never brought his boyfriends home for Christmas -- a sore spot for several of them -- so Arthur had begun a bit of a tradition that consisted mainly of making tea and breakfast for Merlin then sitting on the sofa laughing at him frantically trying to find all his Christmas gifts and shove them into a satchel.

A glance at the microwave's clock reminded Arthur that neither of them had turned their mobiles back on, otherwise Merlin surely would have set an alarm and been up and gone by now. He hesitated, not wanting to worry Merlin’s mum but not quite ready to give him up yet. He settled on making his customary plate stacked with toast -- sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, the way Merlin liked it -- and precariously managed to get both it and two mugs of tea back down the hall to his room. 

When he pushed open the door with his hip, he was surprised to see Merlin already awake and sitting up in bed, his face tense and the line of his lips pressed thin. In a flash Arthur realized what Merlin must have thought when he woke up in bed alone and cursed himself again for being such an idiot. Merlin looked up with a start when the door hit the side of Arthur’s desk, and a relieved smile spread over his lips. Arthur carefully put down the tea and toast, then stalked to the bed and pressed his body into Merlin’s, kissing all the doubt off his face. 

“I haven’t cleaned my teeth,” Merlin protested with a laugh as he tried to squirm away. 

“Don’t care,” Arthur murmured into his collarbone, sucking a series of kisses into Merlin’s neck. Merlin’s answering hum of satisfaction went straight to Arthur’s cock. He made his way back to Merlin’s mouth for a long, deep kiss, then pulled back and let himself simply look. Merlin was already looking blissed out -- soft and pliable and fond, wrapped in Arthur’s blankets with his lips kiss-swollen and pink. He smiled up at Arthur and brought his hand up to trace Arthur’s lips with his fingertips. Arthur let his tongue catch the pad of one fingertip and drew it into his mouth and sucked. Merlin’s eyes fluttered and went dark and suddenly they were kissing again, this time with more intent. 

“Arthur,” Merlin panted into his mouth, “God your – can we –” then his hands were at Arthur’s hips, pushing off the joggers he had pulled on and returning to stroke the now bare skin. Arthur made an affirmative sound and let his hands wander to Merlin’s back, pulling their bodies flush together. Merlin’s body was lithe and beautiful and still warm from sleep. Arthur let out a breathy groan as their cocks brushed together. Merlin burrowed his face into Arthur’s neck and he brought one hand up to cup the back of his neck, stroking roughly.

“Is this okay?” Merlin whispered, trailing from Arthur’s hip to gather their cocks in his hand. Arthur nodded then pulled Merlin back into a kiss, thrusting against him as Merlin worked them over lightly. 

“Have you got any—” Merlin gasped, breaking off from the kiss with a shudder. Arthur rolled away for a moment to rummage in his nightstand and returned with the lube to coat Merlin’s waiting hand. He threw it back into the drawer and moved in close again, kissing Merlin roughly as his hand returned between them to slide over their cocks. It felt so good that he had to break the kiss again to press his forehead into Merlin’s and pant against his cheek. 

“Ah, Mer—sorry -- not going to last—” 

Merlin laughed softly but whimpered when Arthur’s hand closed over his and squeezed. Their mouths and hands worked together and soon after, Merlin gasped out a choked noise and spilled between them with a sharp thrust. Arthur, who had been waiting to see the moment that Merlin lost control completely followed soon after he felt the wet warmth spread between them. Merlin collapsed back onto the bed and snuggled into the blankets happily as Arthur, still panting, reached to the floor to retrieve last night’s flannel and make a half-hearted swipe at the mess between them. 

“Merlin,” he said mock-seriously, stroking Merlin’s hair back from his face, “I have to tell you something you aren’t going to like.” 

Merlin’s eyes went wary and he could practically see the walls going up. “What?” 

Arthur couldn’t resist letting the moment draw out a bit before saying, “It’s half ten.”

“It’s _what_?!” Merlin said, shooting up in the bed. “Oh my god, Mum’s going to kill me. Why didn’t you say? Nevermind, I know why you didn’t, you horny bastard. Fuck, I’ve gotta Facetime Mum, otherwise she’s going to think I’m dead in a ditch somewhere.” 

“Might want to put on some clothes first,” Arthur said with a laugh, retrieving the toast and tea and offering it to Merlin, who shoved a piece in his mouth thankfully. “Also, I was thinking I could drive you up? I’ve got nothing on today and I can probably make it in half the time.” 

Merlin looked at him uncertainty over his mug. “I don’t know … you know Mum likes it to be just the two of us for the holidays.” 

“I wouldn’t stay,” Arthur said quickly. “Just long enough to say hi to your Mum and then I can come get you New Year’s Eve?” He took Merlin’s hand in his and squeezed, trying to convey how much he needed a couple more hours with Merlin before they had to part again.

Merlin blew out a breath. 

"Alright -- let me ask her and I'm sure it'll be fine."

Merlin looked down at the joined hands and Arthur waited for him to ask whatever he was clearly getting up the courage to ask. 

"What should--" he started, then stopped abruptly.

Arthur squeezed his hands.

"What is it?" he asked softly. 

"It's just -- can I introduce you as my boyfriend?" Merlin asked in an uncertain rush that made Arthur's heart squeeze. 

"Of course," Arthur said immediately, pretending not to see Merlin's ears go pink with pleasure. God, how could Merlin still not see what he meant to him? Arthur raised Merlin's hand to his lips and plucked up some courage of his own. "That should work for at least another couple of months," and to make sure Merlin caught his meaning, he pressed a long kiss to the ring finger on his left hand. 

Merlin took back his hand and stared at it with wide eyes, then launched himself into Arthur's arms and squeezed him with surprising strength. 

"I love you," Merlin said fiercely into the side of his head, voice thick with emotion. "I know it's too soon, but I do. I do."

Arthur squeezed him tight and then pushed him back for a brief kiss. 

"And I love you. Now call your Mum before she sends out a search party."

Merlin laughed wetly and scrubbed at his face, "Right. Ummm … where's my mobile?"

Arthur retrieved it from the kitchen and Merlin grimaced at whatever notifications he had as he continued shoveling toast in his mouth. He finished chewing and brushed off his hands, then pulled on the T-shirt Arthur has fetched him.

"Er-" Arthur said as Merlin started opening his contacts.

"What?" 

"You might want a … scarf? Turtleneck?"

"Arthur Pendragon, I swear to God," Merlin opened his phone and turned the camera front facing to examine the darkening love bite, shaking his head. Arthur tried his best to look more sheepish than smug. Merlin, meanwhile was trying his best to look peeved but was clearly pleased. 

"I don't know why I'm surprised," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "You were a possessive boyfriend before you were even a boyfriend." 

"But you love me anyway."

"But I love you anyway," Merlin confirmed, accepting a kiss on the cheek. “Now go away, or Mum will know you’re here.” 

Arthur obediently left the room but eavesdropped from the hall. 

“Merlin?” Hunith’s voice came as soon as the call connected. “Is everything alright?”

“Mum, hi, Happy Christmas Eve!” Merlin said, overly cheerful. “Everything’s fine, but my mobile turned off and I overslept so I’m running late.” 

“Oh thank goodness, I was getting worried that your car broke down. You really ought to have new tyres if you’re going to insist on driving that old thing all the way up here.”

“Well, er-- actually,” Merlin said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think I’m going to catch a ride up if that’s okay? I just started seeing someone.”

“You don’t say,” Hunith’s voice came dryly. “Honestly, Merlin, I wasn’t going to say anything, but calling your mother looking that shagged out this near to the holiday--”

“Mum, stop, oh my god,” Arthur peeked around the corner just in time to see Merlin flush. Hunith laughed.

“I’m happy for you darling. But I hope it isn’t going to cut into our time together?”

“No, of course not. Well other than me being late -- which wasn't his fault! Anyway, he’ll just drop me off and pop in to say hello.”

“Sounds good, my darling. Text me when you leave and tell this bloke of yours to drive carefully with my precious cargo.”

Merlin rolled his eyes but studiously didn’t look over to where Arthur was sniggering by the door. 

“Yes, Mum, I’ll be sure to tell him -- got to pack now. Love you.” 

“I love you too. See you soon.”

"Not a word," Merlin warned as he disconnected the call. 

"Wouldn't dream of it," Arthur smirked "But why didn't you tell her it was me?"

Merlin grinned hugely. 

"Just wait. I'd bring an overnight bag if I were you."

Arthur looked skeptical, remembering the Christmas when Hunith had refused to budge and Merlin's boyfriend at the time, Edwin, had dumped him in a rage the week before Christmas. But he did throw some things in his carryall optimistically. 

It turned out that the traditional Christmas Eve whirlwind packing went faster with two people -- or would have done, if said two people didn't need to pause to kiss for long moments every time they crossed paths. But soon enough, the pair were packed and ready to get on the road. 

"Actually, do you think you could drive?” Arthur asked around a yawn. “I’m still jet lagged and I didn’t sleep much last night.”

Merlin grinned.

“Were you up all night staring at me creepily?”

“It was not creepily, but there may have been some staring involved, yes.”

Merlin’s grin spread wider. 

“Alright. Blimey, if I had known this was all it took to get you to let me drive your car I’d have done it years ago.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Arthur smiled, tossing him the keys. 

Arthur probably could have managed the drive on his own, but seeing Merlin’s giddy smile as he pulled onto the motorway and revved the engine was well worth it. As was the fact that he could simply curl up on his side in the passenger’s seat and watch Merlin instead of having to concentrate on navigation. Once they were at cruising speed he reached over to rest his hand on Merlin’s thigh and his answering smile was so sweet that Arthur wanted to burst. 

Despite his promise to Merlin that they’d talk more in the morning, he was loathe to start any kind of deep and complicated discussion when he only had a couple hours with Merlin until they had to part for another week. So they kept the conversation light, remembering stories from when Arthur used to spend school holidays in Ealdor, chatting about Christmases past, and generally keeping up with their usual banter -- with the added bonus that occasionally Merlin’s would smile his soft, fond smile at Arthur, or Arthur would pull Merlin’s hand to his lips for a kiss. The day had stayed grey and drizzly, so between that and the lulling motion of the car and the bone-deep contentment, it wasn’t surprising that Arthur eventually dozed off. 

He awoke with a start when they turned onto a bumpy road and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with a groan. 

“Why did you let me sleep!” he groused, “The whole point of my bringing you up was to spend more time together before …” he trailed off, not trusting his voice to finish without wavering. 

“You haven't been sleeping, I couldn’t bring myself to wake you,” Merlin replied, making another sharp turn onto an even bumpier road. “Now stop whinging and wipe the drool off your face before Mum sees.” 

Arthur huffed but surreptitiously wiped his face on his sleeve. By the time they were pulling up in front of the familiar yellow house, Arthur had straightened himself out and was just beginning to feel nervous. He’d always had a warm relationship with Hunith, ever since she’d all but adopted him freshman year after hearing that he didn’t have a mother. But having to face her as the man who was sleeping with her only son was a different story. He tried to shake the nerves off as he stepped from the car. Merlin bounded into the house without waiting for him, so Arthur went around to the boot to retrieve some of their luggage and slowly made his way to the house. 

He stepped into the warm, cozy kitchen where Hunith was still hugging Merlin tightly. She spotted Arthur over Merlin’s shoulder. 

“Arthur!” she said, sounding genuinely pleased. “Merlin didn’t tell me you were coming along too! How lovely, now I can give you your gift in person for once, instead of spending it back with Merlin.” 

“Happy Christmas, Mrs. Emrys,” Arthur said awkwardly, waiting for Merlin to say something. 

“Oh, and now you’re going to Mrs. Emrys me,” Hunith said teasingly, pulling him into a hug. “Now quick, before he comes in -- on a scale of zero to Mordred, how horrible is the new boyfriend?” 

“Err,” Arthur said, pulling away. He glanced pointedly at Merlin, who very helpfully turned pink and stared at the floor. Hunith looked back and forth at them in confusion before the penny finally dropped. Her hands flew to cover her mouth. 

“No,” she said, shaking her head and sounding strained.

Arthur felt his heart sink and forced a smile.

“I’m afraid so,” he said taking Merlin’s hand and raising his chin defiantly. 

“Oh, Merlin,” Hunith said, and threw herself at her son, pulling him into another tight embrace. Arthur was still a little confused himself, but relaxed a bit when he saw that Hunith and Merlin were smiling, despite their watery eyes. 

“Didn’t think I was bad enough to cry over,” Arthur said lightly, and Hunith turned and launched herself at him next. 

“Arthur,” she said warmly, pulling him in close. He let himself be held and wrapped in the wave of maternal warmth that he had always craved when he was younger. “I’m so, so happy,” Hunith said softly. When she pulled back and looked into his eyes, her face was fond. “Well, I hope you didn’t get me anything for Christmas, Merlin, because I couldn’t possibly ask for anything else.” 

“Mum,” Merlin complained, looking embarrassed. 

“Listen to your mother, Merlin, you know I’m a gift,” Arthur said, just to make Merlin roll his eyes and laugh. “It was so nice to see you, Hunith -- I’ll just get the rest of the gifts out of the car and then I’ll be off.”

“What? No! You’ll stay for dinner of course -- unless you’ve got plans in London?”

“I don’t, not until brunch tomorrow,” Arthur said slowly, glancing over at Merlin who was wearing his _I told you so_ face. “But I couldn’t possibly--”

“Then it’s all settled -- you’ll stay here for dinner and you can leave early tomorrow.” Hunith said, moving to the hob and stirring a pot of something something that smelled delicious. “Merlin, really, you could have told me it was Arthur so I’d have been ready for three! Nevermind, there’s always plenty so it won’t be a problem.”

“I wanted to tell you in person, I knew you’d be pleased,” Merling responded. He followed her to peek in the pot appreciatively. 

“Well, I had hoped it was Arthur, seeing as you called me from his bed this morning,” Hunith said, giving her son a pointed look. “But I didn’t get my hopes up because I honestly didn’t think the two of you would ever get yourselves sorted out.”

“Right, I’ll just get the rest of that stuff,” Arthur said over his shoulder as he hurried back outside. He took his time gathering up the last of the gifts and his carryall, and when he returned to the house the conversation had thankfully moved on from his bed. 

“You can put those gifts under the tree, Arthur,” Hunith told him when he returned, so he gathered everything up, grateful to have something to do.

He was even more grateful when Merlin appeared at his side a moment later. Arthur stepped behind him and wrapped his arms around him, leaning in to nuzzle against the back of his neck. 

“Mmm, you’re cuddly,” Merlin whispered to him teasingly. 

“Making up for lost time,” Arthur whispered back. He had meant it as a joke, but he was suddenly struck with the truth in the statement as he stood gazing at the tree in the warmly decorated little sitting room with Merlin in his arms. It felt like he’d spent so many years holding back his feelings for Merlin, keeping him at a distance, that it had created an aching reservoir of withheld affection. Now that it was flowing, he found himself having trouble keeping it from crashing over him. 

“I love you,” Arthur breathed into the warm patch of skin behind Merlin’s ear, and Merlin hummed contentedly and leaned back into him, resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur pressed a kiss to the side of Merlin’s neck and slipped one hand under his jumper to meet warm skin, sliding upward and across his chest to brush a nipple. Merlin’s breath gave the smallest hitch and he squeezed Arthur’s other wrist in a warning that Arthur planned on ignoring until he heard a voice from the kitchen. 

“Just because I’m letting you stay for dinner doesn’t mean you can get fresh with my son under my roof, Arthur Pendragon.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it!” Arthur called back, then whispered to Merlin, “How does she do that?”

“It’s terrifying,” Merlin agreed with a grin, gently pulling out of Arthur’s embrace. “Think you’ll be okay if I grab a shower before dinner? I’m still kind of rank.”

“I’d rather join you.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “I’m pretty sure that would count as getting fresh.”

“Alright, but hurry at least?” 

Merlin rolled his eyes, already reaching back to the collar of his jumper to pull it off. “Mum loves you, don’t be a baby.”

“She loved me _before_ I was shagging her precious cargo.” Arthur replied, reaching out to touch Merlin, who slipped away and started up the stairs with a grin. 

“Trust me, she’ll love you even more now,” he assured before calling louder, “Mum, I’m going to take a shower before dinner. I’m leaving Arthur in your care, be nice.” 

“Of course, dear! Arthur, can you give me a hand with setting the table?”

Before disappearing up the stairs, Merlin slipped his hands into his jeans and pushed them just low enough to show off his hip bones and a tantalizing trail of hair.

“Bloody tease,” Arthur hissed, then louder, “Of course!” 

Merlin’s laughter echoed down the staircase and Arthur shook his head and headed back through the dining room into the kitchen, willing his body to behave. Hunith smiled at him when he crossed to the hutch and began taking out plates and silverware. 

“It’s going to be nice having someone around that I don’t have to train up,” she remarked, giving the pot of soup a stir and wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “Although I still remember the look on your face the first time you realized you had to help wash dishes.” 

She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned one hip against the worktop, watching as Arthur carefully set three places at the dining room table. 

“Ah, yes,” Arthur smiled at the memory. “At least I only broke one plate.” 

“That pattern was ugly anyway,” Hunith waved away the memory and Arthur laughed. He remembered when he broke the plate Merlin had looked at him like he was a total numpty, and Arthur had stubbornly washed every dish they dirtied for the rest of the week until he was sure had the hang of it. 

“Thank you very much for letting me stay and eat with you,” Arthur said, straightening up and meeting her gaze. “I know that you prefer it to be just family for the holidays. But this … things are still new, and I know I’ve been giving Merlin mixed signals--”

“Hmm, yes, I’ve heard a bit about that,” she said, giving him a mock-stern look.

“Well, I want to make up for it. So I appreciate having some extra time with him today.”

Hunith’s face softened and she crossed the room to squeeze his hand. 

“You practically are family, Arthur. I’m very glad you’re here. Merlin would kill me if he heard me say this but, well -- he’s had feelings for you for a very long time now, hasn’t he?”

Arthur felt the heat rise to his cheeks. 

“I honestly didn’t know. I’m sorry it took me so – it’s been. I haven’t--” to his horror, he felt a lump rise in his throat. “It wasn’t easy. Figuring everything out. I didn’t have anyone I could—” he stopped, shaking his head and let himself be pulled into an embrace. 

“Oh my boy,” Hunith whispered, stroking his hair and letting him bury his face in her neck despite being a foot shorter. “It’s alright. You’re here now and that’s all that matters, okay? I’m sure Merlin doesn’t care about all the rest and I know I don’t. I’m just so proud of you for getting here.” 

Arthur clung to her for a long moment until a timer went off and Hunith turned to pull a roast from the oven, giving Arthur a moment to discreetly swipe at his eyes with his sleeve.

“I guess it’s also nice that I don’t have to give the ‘break his heart and I’ll break your neck’ speech -- for all the good it’s done.”

Arthur snorted, thinking of several of Merlin’s exes that he wouldn’t mind unleashing Hunith’s wrath on. 

“Well, I took care of Mordred for you.” 

Hunith raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh?”

“Uh, I may have … punched him last night. We can tell you at dinner,” Arthur promised. 

Hunith smiled. 

“I knew I liked you.”

Arthur chuckeld, but after a pause told her, “Anyway, if I break his heart, I’d _want_ you to break my neck. I know things won’t always be perfect, but I want you to know that I would do anything to keep him from being hurt.”

Hunith looked at him consideringly.

“You’re really quite serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Arthur said firmy, “I am.”

“Good,” Hunith replied, nodding as if it was all settled. “Now, I think that soup’s done as well and the rolls are ready to go in. We just need to put together the salad. Have your knife skills improved at all?”

“Umm.”

Hunith rolled her eyes and handed him a tomato. “Clearly there’s still a little bit of training up to do.” 

By the time Merlin emerged from the shower and descended to the kitchen looking pink and edible, Arthur had successfully assembled a green salad and Hunith was pulling the yeast rolls from the oven. 

“It smells _amazing_ in here,” Merlin said, inhaling appreciatively as Arthur took his hand and squeezed it. Merlin beamed at him.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said softly, squeezing his hand back. 

“Me too,” Arthur said, ducking in to kiss his cheek quickly while Hunith’s back was turned. 

Merlin helped to ladle out the potato leek soup and Arthur brought his salad to the dining room table as Hunith arranged the roast, vegetables, and rolls for serving. 

“I hope you don’t mind, Arthur, that we eat early. A lot of the folks that I grew up with who have since moved away have a bit of an informal reunion down at the pub every Christmas Eve. Usually Merlin comes along with me, but I have a feeling he’d rather stay in tonight.”

“You feel correctly,” Merlin said, plopping down at the table with his soup. “Not that I don’t love watching a bunch of people twice my age get legless and talk about things that happened decades before I was born, mind.”

Hunith smacked his arm good-naturedly. 

“Alright, keep the cheek to yourself. Now what’s this I hear about Arthur punching Mordred?”

Merlin and Arthur met eyes over the table and burst into laughter. 

~ ❅ ~

The meal was long and lingering as they talked animatedly and laughed over their food in the cozy little dining room. Arthur felt so full of love for Merlin, and so grateful to be spending the day with him and Hunith instead of alone in the flat. 

When they had all eaten their fill, Arthur carried their plates to the kitchen and cheerfully started in on the dishes while Merlin and Hunith talked in hushed voices in the next room.

After a moment, Arthur heard Hunith climb the stairs and Merlin's hip bumped playfully into his as he reached around him to grab a dishtowel. Arthur leaned in to steal a kiss. 

"What'd your Mum say?" 

Merlin grabbed a plate from the dishrack and smiled to himself.

"That I'm allowed to get a _little_ fresh with you under her roof, as it's Christmas."

Arthur laughed.

"I think I'm too stuffed to get fresh with anything but the couch for a sofa at the moment. Want to watch one last Christmas movie?"

Merlin gave him a more lingering kiss. 

"Sounds perfect."

By the time Hunith came back downstairs, all the dishes were cleaned and put away and the dining room table had been wiped down. They had a hasty gift exchange in which Hunith exclaimed over the embroidered purple shawl Arthur had bought for her and Arthur grinned at the tie with a pattern of tiny golden dragons. Then Hunith was hugging them both and headed out into the chilly night.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Merlin pulled Arthur into his arms for a long, proper kiss and then rested his head against Arthur's shoulder as they swayed together for a long, warm moment in the kitchen. Finally Arthur pulled back, letting his hand linger to stroke across Merlin's cheekbone and then pressing a quick kiss there.

Merlin queued up the latest Grinch movie, excitedly telling Arthur that this Grinch was voiced by some actor from a show he was obsessed with. Arthur was only half listening, instead reveling in the fact that Merlin had curled into what had become their customary position at Arthur’s side, except now he was leaning his body fully into Arthur’s and instead of resting on the back of the sofa, Arthur’s arm was curled around Merlin’s shoulders and his fingertips stroked the side of Merlin’s neck. As Merlin pressed play and snuggled in, he rested his head on Arthur’s chest with a contented sigh. 

Despite his ambivalence, Arthur got sucked into the movie, so much so that when Merlin casually slid one hand up his inner thigh he jumped, and his first instinct was to scold Merlin into letting him watch the ending. But one look into Merlin’s shy but hopeful face had Arthur scrambling to turn off the telly then shifting onto his back to pull Merlin on top of him. 

They kissed unhurriedly for what felt like hours, simply enjoying learning the feel of each other’s mouths and bodies without rushing to any particular destination. Merlin’s hands alternately clutched at the front of Arthur’s shirt, buried in his hair, or rested on either side of his face, and his kisses had a kind of focused intensity to them that was making Arthur dizzy with affection.

“I love you,” he breathed into the space between them, just because he could. Merlin kissed him again, then moved to kiss down his neck and across his collarbone. When he got to Arthur’s shoulder, he gave it a soft bite coupled with one hand pushing up at his shirt to stroke across bare skin. Arthur felt the arousal that has been growing slowly surge through him. He arched his back as Merlin shuffled down the couch and settled in to mouth at his stomach. Arthur tried to relax, but his breath was coming out in harsh pants and he could feel his body tensing as Merlin moved his kissing and licking lower and began to tug at his flies. 

“Is this okay?” Merlin asked, pausing to look up into Arthur’s eyes. Arthur threw his head back and groaned at the sight.

“God, yes, of course. Just … sorry if it doesn't last long.”

“Thank God,” Merlin said reverently, as he lowered the zip. He tugged Arthur’s trousers and pants down to his thighs, freeing his aching cock. “I have wanted to do this for so long, you have no idea.”

Arthur was about to tell him that yes, in fact he did have a bit of an idea, but then the shocking wet heat of Merlin's mouth closed over the head of Arthur's cock and all he could do was whimper and try not to come on the spot. Merlin had one hand grasped firmly at the base of Arthur's cock and he seemed to run through a quick series of experimental rhythms and movements before deciding what Arthur liked and settling in, and Arthur wanted to tell him that he was wasting his time because what he liked was _Merlin_. Just the fact that Merlin was using his body to give Arthur pleasure -- and clearly enjoying it, based on his hums and moans -- was enough to send Arthur dangerously close to the edge. He reached a hand down tentatively to brush Merlin's cheek, feel where his lips were stretched wide around him and Merlin reached up to grab his other hand and twine their fingers together. 

Merlin was settling into a faster rhythm in earnest now, and before long Arthur was looking down at him and gasping out a warning. He hung for a delicious moment -- muscles taunt and right on the brink -- and then came with a sob. 

Merlin's mouth stayed on him until the last of the spasms had passed and Arthur collapsed bonelessly back onto the sofa, managing to stroke one hand roughly through Merlin's hair. He was about to haul him up for a kiss when they heard the sound of a key in the lock and stared at each other, frozen in horror. 

Arthur shimmied his trousers and pants back up his hips and tried to signal to Merlin to just keep down and out of sight, but instead he popped up like a guilty jack-in-the-box, lips swollen and hair unmistakably mussed.

"Mum!" he exclaimed frantically. "You're back already?" 

Hunith laughed, sounding like she was already a bit pissed. 

"Forgot my wallet!" Arthur heard her say cheerfully from where he was still lying flat on the sofa. Merlin just stared after her as she headed back toward the door. 

"Take it upstairs, lads!" she called over her shoulder, "Or you'll scare Father Christmas off."

When the door slammed shut again, Merlin's eyes swung down to meet Arthur's and they burst into laughter. 

"She didn't forget her bloody wallet," Merlin told him. "She just wanted to make sure we weren't shagging on her sofa. One of her mates probably dared her."

"We _were_ shagging on her sofa," Arthur pointed out. Merlin considered this.

"Fair enough." 

Arthur pulled him down on top of him for a long kiss. "Let's move upstairs before she gets dared to come back." 

Arthur followed Merlin up the narrow staircase and into his tiny bedroom, where he immediately crowded him back onto his narrow bed. Merlin laughed as he fell back onto the bed and Arthur kept coming, crawling up over his body and caging him in. Arthur paused a moment to soak in the way Merlin looked beneath him, gazing up at him adoringly. He leaned down to capture his mouth in another kiss and thought he would never, ever get enough of this. 

“Take off your trousers,” he growled playfully into his ear, and Merlin hurried to comply. 

Arthur tried to take his time and go slow, but he was desperate for the feel of Merlin’s cock filling his mouth, and Merlin was apparently desperate to thrust up into his mouth, so it wasn’t long at all before Merlin gasped sharply and then came groaning, “Arthur, oh _God_ , Arthur.” 

Arthur crawled back up to collapse next to Merlin. 

“How much longer until it lasts more than five minutes, do you think?” he whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Shut up,” Merlin laughed breathlessly. “Give a bloke a few of days to get used to all his wank fantasies suddenly come to life.”

“ _All_ of them?”

“Well, no,” Merlin amended, curling his body into Arthur’s and smiling wickedly. “Definitely not all.”

Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and sighed. 

“I wish you could come with me tomorrow.” 

“And I wish you could stay here,” Merlin said unhappily. “But there’s so much I promised I’d help Mum with this week, and I wouldn’t want to keep you from your family on Christmas.” 

Arthur suddenly remembered he was going to have to deal with Morgana and groaned to himself. 

“We’ll just have to come up with a better plan for next year,” Arthur said, and could feel Merlin smiling against his chest. 

“How early do you need to leave tomorrow, do you think?” 

Arthur made a face.

“I should probably be on the road by six so I have enough time to stop by the flat to shower and change before brunch.” 

“We should exchange gifts tonight then,” Merlin said, pushing himself up and clambering out of the bed. Arthur sat cross-legged on the bed and admired Merlin’s bare arse as he rummaged around in a suitcase. Eventually he retrieved a largish flat package that was beautifully wrapped and pushed it at Arthur.

“Go on,” he said, looking nervous.

Arthur carefully unwrapped the gift and inhaled sharply. He peeled back the rest of the wrapping paper to find a canvas painted with the portrait of a familiar woman. Arthur recognized her from the old photos, of course, but the artist had breathed life into her and must have used a combination of reference photos to capture her likeness as Arthur had never seen it before. Her laughing eyes were gazing straight out into the viewer with a fierce pride and an approving smile. A lump rose to his throat as Arthur reached up a careful hand to brush his mother’s blond hair and pink cheeks. Merlin shifted restlessly next to him, and began to speak in a low nervous voice. 

“I hope it’s okay. Gwen has this student this year, she’s dead talented as you see, only Gwen knows that their family doesn’t have much money for the holidays so I decided to commission her to do the portrait – you’ve been talking about having one done for ages now and … well, I thought that if you didn’t like it, at least you know that I’d helped the girl out with the commission at the holidays and that could be the gift. Arthur? Is …” he sounded unsure. “Is it okay? I ordered it ages ago, otherwise … I didn’t know all this would happen, otherwise I might have gotten you something, I don’t know, more intimate.” 

Arthur cleared his throat and squeezed Merlin’s hand. 

“Nothing could be more intimate than this. Thank you, Merlin. It’s perfect. I love it.” 

Merlin visibly relaxed and moved closer to rest his head on Arthur’s shoulder. 

“I wish you could have met her,” Arthur said at last. “I think she’d have loved you.” 

“I wish I could have too,” Merlin said sadly, then sighed. “It just doesn’t seem fair.” 

“What?” 

“Well, you’re going to have Mum as a mother-in-law, and she’s brilliant. I get stuck with Uther.” 

Arthur barked a laugh. “And Morgana.”

Merlin made a distressed noise. “Is it too late to rethink this?” 

“Afraid so!” Arthur said cheerfully, standing up and carefully propping the portrait on Merlin’s desk so that Ygraine was gazing out over the room. He sat down next to Merlin on the bed and they both studied the portrait for a moment until Merlin spoke.

“Well, now that you’ve put her there, I have to say I’m glad we conducted the blow job portion of the evening before the gift giving.”

Arthur swatted his arm but laughed, but then looked sheepish when Merlin turned to him expectantly.

“Okay, don’t kill me, but I don’t exactly have anything to give you--” 

Merlin’s smile slipped slightly, but he waited for Arthur to go on.

“But … well, do you have any plans over the winter term break?”

“No,” Merlin said slowly, “I haven’t.”

“My father promised me some extra vacation time after the holidays to make up for the Hong Kong trip and then all I could think about was how much I wanted to take you somewhere warm this winter, how I wanted to get away for awhile with just the two of us and …. well, how do you feel about Bali?”

Merlin just stared at him looking gobsmacked. Arthur laughed a little.

“If I’m being honest, the only thing that got me through that trip was thinking about you on the beach and how much I was craving some time alone with you outside the city and -- I know it’s not exactly a _gift_ per se, since I’d be going along too, but I’d cover the expenses, obviously, and I was hoping that maybe--” 

Merlin covered Arthur’s mouth with his hand.

“Arthur,” he said, “If you’re asking me if you can whisk me away to some fabulous posh resort in Bali and shag me silly on a white sand beach, then the answer is yes.” Arthur grinned behind Merlin’s hand. “Oh my God, wait until I tell Mum! How long can we go for?”

“I was thinking at least a week,” Arthur said, removing Merlin’s hand and kissing it. Merlin pulled him into a tight embrace. 

“Oh, it’s going to be brilliant,” he enthused. “Do you have a place in mind?”

“I’ll send you some links this week and we can pick one together.” 

“Well now I’m going to be too excited to sleep,” Merlin said, bouncing up and down on his knees a bit on the bed at the same time that Arthur let out a huge yawn. 

“And I actually feel tired at the right time for the first time in days.” 

Merlin smiled at him fondly, “Alright, old man. Let’s get ready for bed at least.”

Arthur couldn’t help finding it charmingly domestic to take turns in the little upstairs loo, stand next to each other to clean their teeth, and pile extra blankets onto the bed. Arthur set the alarm on his phone grudgingly then turn off the lamp and climbed into the bed with Merlin, sliding close so that their bodies were pressed together and their heads were on the same pillow. Merlin smiled that sweet smile at him again and Arthur couldn't help grinning dopily back.

"Hi," he whispered. "Good Christmas?" 

"The best," Merlin replied, finding his hand and squeezing it. 

They traded kisses softly in the dark until Arthur felt drowsiness pulling him under. He let himself be wrapped in Merlin's arms and fell into sleep, feeling utterly content with the world. 

~ ❅ ~

Far sooner than he wanted it to, Arthur’s phone vibrated to life. He fumbled around on the nightstand until he had snoozed the alarm and then sank back into the bed. Merlin's arms draped back over his shoulders and his warm exhales on the back of Arthur's neck soothed him back to sleep. 

When the alarm went off again, he turned it off and pushed himself up in bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He looked back down to where Merlin was sleeping peacefully and eased his way quietly out of the bed. He gathered his clothes and toiletries back into his carryall and snuck to the bathroom to change. 

When he peeked back into Merlin's bedroom five minutes later, the bed was empty. Frowning, he retrieved his bag and the portrait and made his way down the stairs as quietly as he could, using his phone screen to light the way. There was a dim light coming from the kitchen, and Arthur rounded the corner to see Merlin in his pyjamas waiting for the kettle to boil with a travel mug in his hands. 

Arthur stopped in the doorway, his heart giving a painful squeeze. Merlin looked over his shoulder and smiled a sleepy smile.

"Happy Christmas," he whispered. "Thought you could use some tea for the road." 

Arthur didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply crossed the room to Merlin and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his neck.

"God I love you," he spoke, kissing the side of Merlin's neck. Merlin tipped his head to give him better access and leaned back into him. They stood entwined until the kettle clicked off, at which point Arthur broke off to pull on his trainers and coat while Merlin retrieved the milk and sugar and wrapped some of Hunith's Christmas biscuits in a napkin. Once the tea was ready, Merlin shrugged on his coat and followed Arthur to the car. 

The last of the stars were still fading from the morning sky and the sun was just starting to make the horizon blush pink. The air was sharp with frost as Arthur packed everything into the car and leaned in to start the engine running. Then he pulled Merlin into a tight hug. 

"You'll tell Hunith I said thank you and goodbye?" Arthur said into Merlin's ear, and he nodded. 

"And you'll let me know when you're back in London safely?" 

"Of course." 

Merlin kissed him desperately and for several long minutes there was nothing but the bite of the cold, the rumbling hum of the car, and their lips moving softly together. 

Finally Arthur broke off, pressing his forehead to Merlin’s and squeezing his hands

“I really must get going," he said reluctantly. "But I'll be back to pick you up on New Year's Eve Day?" 

"Yes," Merlin said emphatically. "And plan on staying in for New Year's Eve."

Arthur grinned and kissed him again. "Maybe we could do some video chats to get us through the week? Especially now we're back in the same time zone." 

Merlin's eyes lit up.

"Oh, definitely. In fact, I think there are some things I could show you that would help for the next time we're together."

Arthur groaned and leaned in to kiss him again.

"You're incorrigible."

"Only for you," Merlin said, fitting himself into Arthur's arms again. Arthur sighed.

"I love you, but I'm going to be late if I'm not off now."

"I know," Merlin said, squeezing him one last time and then taking a step back. "Good luck with Morgana then, eh? And Uther." 

Arthur grimaced. 

"It'll be an interesting day for sure. But once I get home we can video chat and plan for Bali."

Merlin gave an involuntary bounce of excitement on his toes and moved to open the car door for Arthur. 

"Off you get then."

Arthur paused before climbing in to kiss Merlin one more time.

"I love you."

"I love you too. We'll talk tonight."

Arthur nodded and pulled the car door shut behind him. He fastened his seat belt, adjusted the rearview mirror and sat for a moment watching Merlin. He had his arms wrapped around himself and was bouncing a little -- whether to stay warm or because he was thinking about Bali, Arthur wasn't sure. He smiled and gave a small wave -- Arthur waved back and pulled out onto the road. He watched in the rearview mirror as Merlin stepped into the lane to watch his car pull away, waving continuously until Arthur turned out of sight.

He exhaled a long, gusty sigh, then smiled. It was going to be a long week waiting to be reunited and he had no idea how Uther would react to the news that Arthur was dating Merlin, but he knew that he was finally driving into his future. 

And with Merlin at his side, it had never looked brighter. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I have so many more ideas for this ‘verse -- lots of alternate POV scenes for Merlin (What was going through his head during Arthur’s not-so-subtle wooing? What were his conversations with Gewn like? And what did Gwaine say to him anyway?), ideas for video chat sessions, and their trip to Bali. So if you enjoyed this, check back and hopefully I’ll have more soon!


End file.
